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Sunday, August 02, 2009
4:42 PM
i thot i decided to ditch blogging.
thot i cldnt see sense anymore ranting dwn here.
who cares anyway ryt.
juz a channel i chosed to let out my thots...or more like complains.
down the days in school.. i had my bestfrens gurlfrens gayfrens n even a boyfren to care n share with.
down the days in camp i had squadmates gurlfrens n also a boyfriend to care n share with.
but im starting the unknown journey of my new worklife. n i really wondered who i cld turn to now. i knew i had to learn how to be independent already. at this age.. i am feeling a lil inferior fer knowing that i need sumone to depend on. or at the very least... sum figure to be there fer me whenever there is an up or down. i want to share watever feelings i haf there.. watever things i did. but i cant. n i cannot do anymore sharing any longer. n knowing that i haf to bottle up everything about my everyday life ... can kill me. i miss my gurlfrens... like i need them everyday like i always used to have since the day i started school. n now... im seriously having problems getting one gd gurlfren at work. mayb not just yet. mayb its juz too soon fer them to open up to me. im not exactly a jolly chatterbox. im obviously reserved. but i cant wait fer the day i can b in that circle and join them in watever it is that can carved a smile on my face and let me feel the sincere warmth n welcome i wanted. haha. asking a bit too much? mayb i shldve make most of the first moves. but umm... i havent complete my observation period yet. i dun think i wldve de tyme to do so. i have homeworks and tests and assessments to go thru u know. n plz.. save me by not asking abt wat i do. i hate talking bt it. not like i despise work totally. im still trying to familiarize myself with it. n i hate commenting abt anything abt it. so plz... juz use ur imagination abt wat im gg thru. if i need... i will tell u... if i dun... plz spare my breath. thank u.
love life?
im beginnning to not believe in it anymore.
its like...ur up there n then ur down.. n crushed.. u tried to be up there again.. n then when ur down u sink even lower. like how sumone said.. its better to let the broken pieces be broken then to try n put it back togather n in the end itll break into a million more pieces n its harder to put it back. or however he said it. u get the point. i dun wana hope n believe. becuz i never imagine myself in this position... n here i am trapped. n i cannot get out. becuz fer now... im sitting back n let time tell if im gona get crushed once again..wch im preparing myself fer becuz i know very well wat im messing with.. or mayb depend hopelessly on my lucky stars that never grant my wish fer things to go how i imagined.
time will tell.
sumhow i dun want to know wat.
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Saturday, January 17, 2009
2:03 AM
im finding myself dropping by here more often each week.. haha... to rant of curz.
weeks was .. i cldnt exactly say disappointing...
theres plenty of new hot bods to go gaa gaa at..wat wif the new neighbours of purely guys come pouring in. well...mostly de girls wld go peeking.. haha...i guess i wasnt that much interested. hmm...i hope im not strange much.. well watevala.
i guess i wasnt even bothering to show any signs of interest bcuz at the end of the day... de others scored...haha...without even trying.haha. ok well... im slightly disturbed now. can i say that i still dun care now? hmm..
anyways...
i tried smthg new..
smthg i never thought i ever wanted to try...
n then late nyt today i did..
well it wsnt so bad..
tho i stil cldnt figure out the savouring of every [evaporated water] inside me..like how others get high doin it... mayb i aint doin it right. haha. oh wells...i can try again... :P the healthy way.
im crapping at 2am in the morn.
i was hoping he wld drop by ....
well he didn..
major disappointment?
im used to being crushed n being invisible.
what more disappointment can there be?
i dun wana find out.
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Sunday, December 28, 2008
2:31 AM
id like to begin with a damn big SIGH.
i dunno why.
but shld i be at fault with myself?
i mean..
i like Cute.
i like charming.
i like funny.
i like sensitive.
i like understanding.
i like responsible.
i like encouraging.
haha...i ended up listing my Likes of my sumone.
thing is i dun have that. im not complaining that i dun haf one.
juz that...i dunno...i haf choices.. i tried to get to knw em...i like em at 1st... but sumhow...i get over them that fast. i juz dun get me. sumtimes.. how can i get over so fast? dont i care? mayb not... mayb im still walling myself up frm feeling any deeper then wat i want... mayb getting to know them any more then wat i wana know is juz mayb a repel factor...haha... crazy...i know i cant possibly find the exact fit. but sumhow i juz dun wana knw the one i like is like nothing i want them to be. sigh.. i know. i know it. Yet i cant help it. i cant help wanting that sumone to at least not be wat i dun want them to b. crazy much? yeah.
hes juz as disappointing.
in short..if i didn actually like him ..id call him a loser.
why..why..why cant u think?
even a pessimist as i, love myself.
ur killing u.
n u dun care one blardy bit.
urgh.
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Wednesday, December 10, 2008
7:12 PM
ok i guess i owe sya this thingy after like so long..well here goes..
1. Do you have secrets?
-yeah..whu doesnt? if u say no mayb ur the next millionaire in the show THE MOMENT OF TRUTH..
.2. Would you fall in love with a boy/girl younger than you?
- damn. tsk...i didnt think i could until diz crazy dude juz appeared...but then again...i dunno if its wat i can call love? haha
3. How long do you intend to wait for someone u really love?
- i have no blardy idea..im juz gg with the flow fer now..
4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
- like that will ever happen..i wldnt wana dream of the impossible.
5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
-i guess...haiyah...sumtimes its complicated.
6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
- being loved by sumone.
7. List out 5 favourite things that you like and 3 things of yourself.
-chocolate. smiles. music. friends. living things.
-im not a very gd converser...so i -listen most of the time.. - n im a pessimist (so tts y i dun give gd advices :P)
9. Is there anything that has made you extremely happy?
-when sumone tries to make my day...n making new frens.. recently...i made a new fren... n sumhow theres a weird attraction with this huge bear...haha..but after today..that emotion will be a sad one...sigh
10. What makes you sad?
- the sad thing is...anything can make me sad.haha...my emotions r unpredictable.
11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time?
-with a stable job...n happy in it...married i hope...haha
12. Who is currently the most important people to you?
- family...friends.. bffs u know urself ayte.
13. What is bothering you in life now?
-hmm.im broke. n im gg thru a Challenging period ryt now. i hope ill survive.
14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
- y muz it be 2 xtremes? id like to be married with an average life..too much to ask?
15. What are the things you wanna do?
- CLEAN..i dunno where to start.. n pack..n im spoz to upload pix...damn i cant be bothered.. too many to do list...NExT!
16. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, and both of them do the same, who would you pick?
- my ans parallels sya's--->i will pick the one who loves me in return.
17. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
- i can forgive. but i Dont forget. haha...be thankful im not trying to be revengeful.
18. How do you say goodbye to someone you don't want to let go ?
- silent tears.
19. If there is a choice between lover and friends,which will you choose?
- depends on the sumone. friends r cool. lover? shld be able to pass my expectations 1st.haha
20. Will you fall in love soon?
- gee....ive so many many crushes ryt now.... i dare not say love. yet. :)
? 6:54 PM
ok..im actually dropping by here after like..haha...forever.
so many things happened...
n i juz cant be bothered to blog anymore.
until today...
i had another farewell after abt a week spending with a grp of special ppl..... can i juz skip the hell training n juz start work asap???? haha... i wish. so ya.... the week has definitely been an eye opener...for me at least... n i get to make new frens... n n ....a new fren...haha... i guess ill make plenty more...i hope. sigh...
just yesterday ..out of the blue...a long long LONG LOST pri sch fren suddenly emerged online...n then we had abt an hr chat over the fone...like i didnt know my pri sch frens existed still!! haha! well i was completely overwhelmed after like 9 whole damn years of NO News...n suddenly were like reminiscing the ancient times. gee. ..
my 'Fashion' job is offically over i guess...haha...well i know im bad in that sense...i definitely miss my Nino clan....yup....
n talk abt missing....well.. i shld be mentioning sch....the M.I-ans...Pioneereans...Merlimau kids... sigh....
abt myself...well...
ive much to keep but not much to spill...haha...
suddenly i just dunno wat to say abt myself..
man im losing my comments day after day..
cmon brain..WORK!!!
for sya..i hope things go better fer now...at least. as u may haf said im a listener ..yup ill oways be here even if im not Here...well u know...
for alin... Whats up gurl! no news no nthg??? call me!!!!
for liyana... i hope ur doing great with ur newfound love!! :)
for Ju.... Call me sometimes ok....we so need to catch up!
for de huge bear... Ull definitely be missed.much. :(
its a definite Miss emotion fer me to everyone ... :(
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Monday, August 11, 2008
10:30 PM
hello. its almost about a month since i last blogged. n i actually wondered why. i mean...i wasnt exactly busy or anything....oh wait...i spend much days out on my off days now...n finally today oddly after a whole month did i actually want to blog. haha. okok...mayb this is where i do most of my rants...n today i definitely have smthg to say...i think.
juz that i already made up my mind... foreign customers arent that joyful to serve...at times.. esp those frm the middle eastern n the indians... ok not like i have anything against them...but working in retail line every damn day juz gives u first hand exposure to many MANY kinds of experiences. just yesterday there was this family n they were like the noisiest crowd in the entire level..n behaving like super uncivilised......taking clothes off frm the plastic bags n digging n rummagging thru stuff like theres no tmr... n there wasnt even a sale crowd or anything like that. n the most rudest thing was that the FATHER..( who is suppose to be a parent that sets examples to their kids) was juz shouting at his kids n then bang his bloody palms on the counter juz so he gets sumones attn...he got my attn undoubtedly....n was told off to go pay dwnstairs...luckily fer me he din make such a big fuss tho was clearly unhappy...for god knows wat reason...
n they r the middle eastern ppl...n previously...i encountered another family dominated by the females...(its no surprise) that they were super damn blardy fkg demanding..... oh yeah talk abt demanding customers.... those frm india display super high level of demand n their super low level of patience...n even lower levels of any signs of courtesy. dont u know how to talk like civilised people? do we look like we needed to be shouted at? or do we look like the lower end of ppl whu serves you like ur servants??? like a damn big HELLO to u blardy uneducated shoppers. most of the time u cant speak a perfecto English...so u dont blardy well come into my shop n shout and demand all u want. sheesh these ppl.
n then working in the retail line can suddenly make u a lil bit more 'popular'. schoolmates can drop in n upon seeing a familiar face lights their mood up instantly...yeah...the "we-know-eachother-gimme-staff-discounts." suddenly that brief 15min conversation was the longest we ever had compared to the 3 yrs we ever spend in school togather. wow.. the power of retail can certainly make u 'likeable'. oh no wait...lemme correct that...it can make me more useful. yeap. USE... how typical of humans to MAKE USE of others fer their own damn advantage.. im talking abt people whom i dun realli know or cared or talk much to in school or anywhere else.... i dun even offer them to use any of my staff privilleges..unlike my closest best buddies....(my gfs...u can ask me if u need anythg..thats within my help of curz) so yeah... like...thats superbly thick skin to ask me...me the humble invisible figure in sch...oh yea...thats why they asked me.. well watever man...
previously i complained abt not having movie dates... n then suddenly this month ive been out to 3....i caught batman..the superb.. mummy the super fictional.....n prom night the "thats it?" movie. haha. n i haven even watched one with sya....oh well...mayb next time ?
btw sya's recent entry abt the reflection and qns...was ..... i dunno...surprising.... haha.
i know i qnd me wif my last one...n since i ans my qns negatively...thats how it ends.... but im not encouraging u to do so... yet.... i mean if u can still give n take n compromise n stuff...why not try work it out... ok.
right now...ive had quite enough....n right now i guess im juz driving them away... on the 9th i cmplemented a gd looking guy to my colleague..whu told my senior whu told my manager... n i was like WTH!!! n then my manager comes up n say serve la...n i was like...er dun want ah... ok professionally speaking i cannot say no when it comes to serving customers...but i refused to serve the guy becuz i became robotic when i speak to him...haha...talk abt being tongue-tied. k watever...
i really dont know.. Should i stay or Should i go...
whereto?
godknows.
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Saturday, July 12, 2008
12:03 AM
hey.
im here...
yea.. so i guess i kinda haf quite sum ups dis week...
had my off n finally drag my siz to Za n double confirm wat im finally getting...haha...n intro my siz to almost half of de ppl der.haha...
den de next day i get to work...fer oni 5 hours n dey shooed me off home cuz ive got plenty of excess hrs...hoorah.... went home to get myself recharged...den got out late to haf dinner at lau pa sat wif them...haha...i guess we shld be thanking de managers fer de treat...was fun i guess ..spitty i cant be plenty active on nightlife...no diffy wif me being 21. talk abt being given n expected with xtra responsibility... hey i never asked to be born first n be the eldest. mayb i dun wana grow up at all...urgh.
anyway...i guess the morn started plain rough on me...
but i spoz alls fine again after meetin up wif sya n had yoga n lunch wif de other 2 guys..n then kboxing with them!! haha! spitty alin cant join.. well all de best fer ur pprs den!
home was....ok..until...
dinner convo was all abt sumone getting everything i guess wat my parents wanted... so im happy fer her...but id wana be anywhere else but there n burn my ears hearing all that... jealous? yes? not as if im gona kill her... but its killing myself inside. pretty much like stabbing wats left of any positiveness in me. hah. going back to sch? Thanx but i think i haf to be left RESPONSIBLE to the rest of the folks at home any sooner ...
the very fact i dun haf a goal yet....branded failure...n thats the very first kid with practically NOTHING to offer thats spoz to be setting an example and guide the younger generations.... know wat? u seriously can count me out..take sumone else... i never asked to be given all this.
do something????
I DONT KNOW WHAT.
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Friday, July 04, 2008
12:23 AM
shld there be any welcome back signs all over my blog since ive officially left it to rot for more then a month ago...
well...
lotsa things happened...
n i dunno where to start.
my super ZA sales are here as announced by sya... n am here to reiterate that prices have now drop to 50% off...haha...so drop by to see of there is anymore lost stuff u can actually salvage..
so since its sales...first 4 days was hectic..chaotic...watever...actually it was onli the first day that i felt breathless... the followng days were ok i guess... it actually didnt feel like sales...sad isnt it... ppl were feeling that its so ridiculous fer us not to have any more sizes left...like hello...if u dun know singaporeans kiasuness...foreigners shld reli learn...they grab n grab n grab n mess n mess n mess like nobdys bizness... n tadaaa everything juz went poof. soo stockroom is officially empty now..fer the spring season items...
oh i fergot to mention abt one blardy hideous encounter with one pathetic biatch. it was juz a few days b4 sales started..theres this lady whu came up to me dump her things on the counter...n as i was on the fone talking ..i cant actualy attend to her...so abt a min passed b4 i told her that payment is actually dwnstairs...n then she started making a big fuss that sumone dwn there told her to go up n now im telling her to go dwn... n that shes shpng n not exercising... im like huh? its not like i was the one whu made her go up n dwn.. i juz told her to go dwn like i told a million other customers.... n she was like so not happy.. n luckily she cldnt handle her english well she ended up being frustrated...mayb its worse that she cndlnt vent her fkg anger out. she wanted my name b4 buzzing off n actually came back looking fer me to tell me how to write a complaint. even tho she wasnt shouting or watever i felt friggin pressurized becuz ive nvr had anyone been so unhappy with me b4....n i cldnt handle wat she wanted frm me.. oh well after gttg de manager out...i disappeared in my sanctuary where all that hurt went off in a rainstorm. boy i almost shed blood curz i havent cried so much eversince the last time ivan lim confronted me n my results...sheesh.
anw..alls cool now...diz iz my first n ive yet to receive many many many more of this crazy unreasonable creatures.. sigh...i relli hate conflicts... i wish i cld rlli stop being sucha crybaby.sigh.. dreamy pisces...fantasy-like pisces... i juz hate conflicts!
ok...wat now?
today i went fer yoga alone ..again..thanx to me altering my schedule ..i cldnt meet my friends fer yoga again diz week... guys..u relli shld go ahead without me or ull juz be giving true yoga True charity every month. anw...went to get me a double choc frappe...id yearned fer one so long...n then a ride in an air- con-less bus home... really made me feel how much i missed life...feelin the wind in my face...in the bus on the road...i missed non air con bus rides... n walking home with the sun light streaks on the ground n the crisp leaves....i MISSED LIFE. i mean...i always walk the same place at night in the dark...n theres relli nothing to see...alls dead n quiet...n walk home is always fast n brisk... today i walked in the sun with colours around me n life... sheesh...i sound as if ive been to mars too long... haha... well...i missed been out in the afternoon in school with my friends...sigh.... plz date me out fer a movie or smthg... i wana watch a movie!
i have tons to say...but i relli dun feel like saying anymore..i guess ill juz blog in my head like always again...until i finally have time to crack open up my pc...n dump all these here...
soo yea... guess id better go get sum slp...my panda eyes r Panda-ing worse! urgh!
