LifeS IRoNieS

2009-08-02T16:42:00.002+08:00

i thot i decided to ditch blogging.
thot i cldnt see sense anymore ranting dwn here.
who cares anyway ryt.
juz a channel i chosed to let out my thots...or more like complains.

down the days in school.. i had my bestfrens gurlfrens gayfrens n even a boyfren to care n share with.

down the days in camp i had squadmates gurlfrens n also a boyfriend to care n share with.

but im starting the unknown journey of my new worklife. n i really wondered who i cld turn to now. i knew i had to learn how to be independent already. at this age.. i am feeling a lil inferior fer knowing that i need sumone to depend on. or at the very least... sum figure to be there fer me whenever there is an up or down. i want to share watever feelings i haf there.. watever things i did. but i cant. n i cannot do anymore sharing any longer. n knowing that i haf to bottle up everything about my everyday life ... can kill me. i miss my gurlfrens... like i need them everyday like i always used to have since the day i started school. n now... im seriously having problems getting one gd gurlfren at work. mayb not just yet. mayb its juz too soon fer them to open up to me. im not exactly a jolly chatterbox. im obviously reserved. but i cant wait fer the day i can b in that circle and join them in watever it is that can carved a smile on my face and let me feel the sincere warmth n welcome i wanted. haha. asking a bit too much? mayb i shldve make most of the first moves. but umm... i havent complete my observation period yet. i dun think i wldve de tyme to do so. i have homeworks and tests and assessments to go thru u know. n plz.. save me by not asking abt wat i do. i hate talking bt it. not like i despise work totally. im still trying to familiarize myself with it. n i hate commenting abt anything abt it. so plz... juz use ur imagination abt wat im gg thru. if i need... i will tell u... if i dun... plz spare my breath. thank u.

love life?
im beginnning to not believe in it anymore.
its like...ur up there n then ur down.. n crushed.. u tried to be up there again.. n then when ur down u sink even lower. like how sumone said.. its better to let the broken pieces be broken then to try n put it back togather n in the end itll break into a million more pieces n its harder to put it back. or however he said it. u get the point. i dun wana hope n believe. becuz i never imagine myself in this position... n here i am trapped. n i cannot get out. becuz fer now... im sitting back n let time tell if im gona get crushed once again..wch im preparing myself fer becuz i know very well wat im messing with.. or mayb depend hopelessly on my lucky stars that never grant my wish fer things to go how i imagined.

time will tell.
sumhow i dun want to know wat.

2009-01-17T02:03:00.004+08:00

im finding myself dropping by here more often each week.. haha... to rant of curz.

weeks was .. i cldnt exactly say disappointing...
theres plenty of new hot bods to go gaa gaa at..wat wif the new neighbours of purely guys come pouring in. well...mostly de girls wld go peeking.. haha...i guess i wasnt that much interested. hmm...i hope im not strange much.. well watevala.

i guess i wasnt even bothering to show any signs of interest bcuz at the end of the day... de others scored...haha...without even trying.haha. ok well... im slightly disturbed now. can i say that i still dun care now? hmm..

anyways...
i tried smthg new..
smthg i never thought i ever wanted to try...
n then late nyt today i did..
well it wsnt so bad..
tho i stil cldnt figure out the savouring of every [evaporated water] inside me..like how others get high doin it... mayb i aint doin it right. haha. oh wells...i can try again... :P the healthy way.

im crapping at 2am in the morn.
i was hoping he wld drop by ....
well he didn..
major disappointment?
im used to being crushed n being invisible.
what more disappointment can there be?
i dun wana find out.

2008-12-28T02:31:00.002+08:00

id like to begin with a damn big SIGH.

i dunno why.
but shld i be at fault with myself?

i mean..
i like Cute.
i like charming.
i like funny.
i like sensitive.
i like understanding.
i like responsible.
i like encouraging.

haha...i ended up listing my Likes of my sumone.

thing is i dun have that. im not complaining that i dun haf one.
juz that...i dunno...i haf choices.. i tried to get to knw em...i like em at 1st... but sumhow...i get over them that fast. i juz dun get me. sumtimes.. how can i get over so fast? dont i care? mayb not... mayb im still walling myself up frm feeling any deeper then wat i want... mayb getting to know them any more then wat i wana know is juz mayb a repel factor...haha... crazy...i know i cant possibly find the exact fit. but sumhow i juz dun wana knw the one i like is like nothing i want them to be. sigh.. i know. i know it. Yet i cant help it. i cant help wanting that sumone to at least not be wat i dun want them to b. crazy much? yeah.

hes juz as disappointing.
in short..if i didn actually like him ..id call him a loser.
why..why..why cant u think?
even a pessimist as i, love myself.
ur killing u.
n u dun care one blardy bit.
urgh.

2008-12-10T19:12:00.002+08:00

ok i guess i owe sya this thingy after like so long..well here goes..

1. Do you have secrets?
-yeah..whu doesnt? if u say no mayb ur the next millionaire in the show THE MOMENT OF TRUTH..

.2. Would you fall in love with a boy/girl younger than you?
- damn. tsk...i didnt think i could until diz crazy dude juz appeared...but then again...i dunno if its wat i can call love? haha

3. How long do you intend to wait for someone u really love?
- i have no blardy idea..im juz gg with the flow fer now..

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
- like that will ever happen..i wldnt wana dream of the impossible.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
-i guess...haiyah...sumtimes its complicated.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
- being loved by sumone.

7. List out 5 favourite things that you like and 3 things of yourself.
-chocolate. smiles. music. friends. living things.
-im not a very gd converser...so i -listen most of the time.. - n im a pessimist (so tts y i dun give gd advices :P)

9. Is there anything that has made you extremely happy?
-when sumone tries to make my day...n making new frens.. recently...i made a new fren... n sumhow theres a weird attraction with this huge bear...haha..but after today..that emotion will be a sad one...sigh

10. What makes you sad?
- the sad thing is...anything can make me sad.haha...my emotions r unpredictable.

11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time?
-with a stable job...n happy in it...married i hope...haha

12. Who is currently the most important people to you?
- family...friends.. bffs u know urself ayte.

13. What is bothering you in life now?
-hmm.im broke. n im gg thru a Challenging period ryt now. i hope ill survive.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
- y muz it be 2 xtremes? id like to be married with an average life..too much to ask?

15. What are the things you wanna do?
- CLEAN..i dunno where to start.. n pack..n im spoz to upload pix...damn i cant be bothered.. too many to do list...NExT!

16. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, and both of them do the same, who would you pick?
- my ans parallels sya's--->i will pick the one who loves me in return.

17. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
- i can forgive. but i Dont forget. haha...be thankful im not trying to be revengeful.

18. How do you say goodbye to someone you don't want to let go ?
- silent tears.

19. If there is a choice between lover and friends,which will you choose?
- depends on the sumone. friends r cool. lover? shld be able to pass my expectations 1st.haha

20. Will you fall in love soon?
- gee....ive so many many crushes ryt now.... i dare not say love. yet. :)

2008-12-10T18:54:00.002+08:00

ok..im actually dropping by here after like..haha...forever.

so many things happened...
n i juz cant be bothered to blog anymore.
until today...

i had another farewell after abt a week spending with a grp of special ppl..... can i juz skip the hell training n juz start work asap???? haha... i wish. so ya.... the week has definitely been an eye opener...for me at least... n i get to make new frens... n n ....a new fren...haha... i guess ill make plenty more...i hope. sigh...

just yesterday ..out of the blue...a long long LONG LOST pri sch fren suddenly emerged online...n then we had abt an hr chat over the fone...like i didnt know my pri sch frens existed still!! haha! well i was completely overwhelmed after like 9 whole damn years of NO News...n suddenly were like reminiscing the ancient times. gee. ..

my 'Fashion' job is offically over i guess...haha...well i know im bad in that sense...i definitely miss my Nino clan....yup....

n talk abt missing....well.. i shld be mentioning sch....the M.I-ans...Pioneereans...Merlimau kids... sigh....

abt myself...well...
ive much to keep but not much to spill...haha...
suddenly i just dunno wat to say abt myself..
man im losing my comments day after day..
cmon brain..WORK!!!

for sya..i hope things go better fer now...at least. as u may haf said im a listener ..yup ill oways be here even if im not Here...well u know...

for alin... Whats up gurl! no news no nthg??? call me!!!!

for liyana... i hope ur doing great with ur newfound love!! :)

for Ju.... Call me sometimes ok....we so need to catch up!

for de huge bear... Ull definitely be missed.much. :(

its a definite Miss emotion fer me to everyone ... :(

2008-08-11T22:30:00.002+08:00

hello. its almost about a month since i last blogged. n i actually wondered why. i mean...i wasnt exactly busy or anything....oh wait...i spend much days out on my off days now...n finally today oddly after a whole month did i actually want to blog. haha. okok...mayb this is where i do most of my rants...n today i definitely have smthg to say...i think.

juz that i already made up my mind... foreign customers arent that joyful to serve...at times.. esp those frm the middle eastern n the indians... ok not like i have anything against them...but working in retail line every damn day juz gives u first hand exposure to many MANY kinds of experiences. just yesterday there was this family n they were like the noisiest crowd in the entire level..n behaving like super uncivilised......taking clothes off frm the plastic bags n digging n rummagging thru stuff like theres no tmr... n there wasnt even a sale crowd or anything like that. n the most rudest thing was that the FATHER..( who is suppose to be a parent that sets examples to their kids) was juz shouting at his kids n then bang his bloody palms on the counter juz so he gets sumones attn...he got my attn undoubtedly....n was told off to go pay dwnstairs...luckily fer me he din make such a big fuss tho was clearly unhappy...for god knows wat reason...

n they r the middle eastern ppl...n previously...i encountered another family dominated by the females...(its no surprise) that they were super damn blardy fkg demanding..... oh yeah talk abt demanding customers.... those frm india display super high level of demand n their super low level of patience...n even lower levels of any signs of courtesy. dont u know how to talk like civilised people? do we look like we needed to be shouted at? or do we look like the lower end of ppl whu serves you like ur servants??? like a damn big HELLO to u blardy uneducated shoppers. most of the time u cant speak a perfecto English...so u dont blardy well come into my shop n shout and demand all u want. sheesh these ppl.

n then working in the retail line can suddenly make u a lil bit more 'popular'. schoolmates can drop in n upon seeing a familiar face lights their mood up instantly...yeah...the "we-know-eachother-gimme-staff-discounts." suddenly that brief 15min conversation was the longest we ever had compared to the 3 yrs we ever spend in school togather. wow.. the power of retail can certainly make u 'likeable'. oh no wait...lemme correct that...it can make me more useful. yeap. USE... how typical of humans to MAKE USE of others fer their own damn advantage.. im talking abt people whom i dun realli know or cared or talk much to in school or anywhere else.... i dun even offer them to use any of my staff privilleges..unlike my closest best buddies....(my gfs...u can ask me if u need anythg..thats within my help of curz) so yeah... like...thats superbly thick skin to ask me...me the humble invisible figure in sch...oh yea...thats why they asked me.. well watever man...

previously i complained abt not having movie dates... n then suddenly this month ive been out to 3....i caught batman..the superb.. mummy the super fictional.....n prom night the "thats it?" movie. haha. n i haven even watched one with sya....oh well...mayb next time ?

btw sya's recent entry abt the reflection and qns...was ..... i dunno...surprising.... haha.
i know i qnd me wif my last one...n since i ans my qns negatively...thats how it ends.... but im not encouraging u to do so... yet.... i mean if u can still give n take n compromise n stuff...why not try work it out... ok.

right now...ive had quite enough....n right now i guess im juz driving them away... on the 9th i cmplemented a gd looking guy to my colleague..whu told my senior whu told my manager... n i was like WTH!!! n then my manager comes up n say serve la...n i was like...er dun want ah... ok professionally speaking i cannot say no when it comes to serving customers...but i refused to serve the guy becuz i became robotic when i speak to him...haha...talk abt being tongue-tied. k watever...

i really dont know.. Should i stay or Should i go...
whereto?
godknows.

2008-07-12T00:03:00.003+08:00

hey.
im here...
yea.. so i guess i kinda haf quite sum ups dis week...

had my off n finally drag my siz to Za n double confirm wat im finally getting...haha...n intro my siz to almost half of de ppl der.haha...

den de next day i get to work...fer oni 5 hours n dey shooed me off home cuz ive got plenty of excess hrs...hoorah.... went home to get myself recharged...den got out late to haf dinner at lau pa sat wif them...haha...i guess we shld be thanking de managers fer de treat...was fun i guess ..spitty i cant be plenty active on nightlife...no diffy wif me being 21. talk abt being given n expected with xtra responsibility... hey i never asked to be born first n be the eldest. mayb i dun wana grow up at all...urgh.

anyway...i guess the morn started plain rough on me...
but i spoz alls fine again after meetin up wif sya n had yoga n lunch wif de other 2 guys..n then kboxing with them!! haha! spitty alin cant join.. well all de best fer ur pprs den!

home was....ok..until...
dinner convo was all abt sumone getting everything i guess wat my parents wanted... so im happy fer her...but id wana be anywhere else but there n burn my ears hearing all that... jealous? yes? not as if im gona kill her... but its killing myself inside. pretty much like stabbing wats left of any positiveness in me. hah. going back to sch? Thanx but i think i haf to be left RESPONSIBLE to the rest of the folks at home any sooner ...
the very fact i dun haf a goal yet....branded failure...n thats the very first kid with practically NOTHING to offer thats spoz to be setting an example and guide the younger generations.... know wat? u seriously can count me out..take sumone else... i never asked to be given all this.

do something????
I DONT KNOW WHAT.

2008-07-04T00:23:00.002+08:00

shld there be any welcome back signs all over my blog since ive officially left it to rot for more then a month ago...

well...
lotsa things happened...
n i dunno where to start.

my super ZA sales are here as announced by sya... n am here to reiterate that prices have now drop to 50% off...haha...so drop by to see of there is anymore lost stuff u can actually salvage..

so since its sales...first 4 days was hectic..chaotic...watever...actually it was onli the first day that i felt breathless... the followng days were ok i guess... it actually didnt feel like sales...sad isnt it... ppl were feeling that its so ridiculous fer us not to have any more sizes left...like hello...if u dun know singaporeans kiasuness...foreigners shld reli learn...they grab n grab n grab n mess n mess n mess like nobdys bizness... n tadaaa everything juz went poof. soo stockroom is officially empty now..fer the spring season items...

oh i fergot to mention abt one blardy hideous encounter with one pathetic biatch. it was juz a few days b4 sales started..theres this lady whu came up to me dump her things on the counter...n as i was on the fone talking ..i cant actualy attend to her...so abt a min passed b4 i told her that payment is actually dwnstairs...n then she started making a big fuss that sumone dwn there told her to go up n now im telling her to go dwn... n that shes shpng n not exercising... im like huh? its not like i was the one whu made her go up n dwn.. i juz told her to go dwn like i told a million other customers.... n she was like so not happy.. n luckily she cldnt handle her english well she ended up being frustrated...mayb its worse that she cndlnt vent her fkg anger out. she wanted my name b4 buzzing off n actually came back looking fer me to tell me how to write a complaint. even tho she wasnt shouting or watever i felt friggin pressurized becuz ive nvr had anyone been so unhappy with me b4....n i cldnt handle wat she wanted frm me.. oh well after gttg de manager out...i disappeared in my sanctuary where all that hurt went off in a rainstorm. boy i almost shed blood curz i havent cried so much eversince the last time ivan lim confronted me n my results...sheesh.

anw..alls cool now...diz iz my first n ive yet to receive many many many more of this crazy unreasonable creatures.. sigh...i relli hate conflicts... i wish i cld rlli stop being sucha crybaby.sigh.. dreamy pisces...fantasy-like pisces... i juz hate conflicts!

ok...wat now?
today i went fer yoga alone ..again..thanx to me altering my schedule ..i cldnt meet my friends fer yoga again diz week... guys..u relli shld go ahead without me or ull juz be giving true yoga True charity every month. anw...went to get me a double choc frappe...id yearned fer one so long...n then a ride in an air- con-less bus home... really made me feel how much i missed life...feelin the wind in my face...in the bus on the road...i missed non air con bus rides... n walking home with the sun light streaks on the ground n the crisp leaves....i MISSED LIFE. i mean...i always walk the same place at night in the dark...n theres relli nothing to see...alls dead n quiet...n walk home is always fast n brisk... today i walked in the sun with colours around me n life... sheesh...i sound as if ive been to mars too long... haha... well...i missed been out in the afternoon in school with my friends...sigh.... plz date me out fer a movie or smthg... i wana watch a movie!

i have tons to say...but i relli dun feel like saying anymore..i guess ill juz blog in my head like always again...until i finally have time to crack open up my pc...n dump all these here...
soo yea... guess id better go get sum slp...my panda eyes r Panda-ing worse! urgh!

2008-05-28T21:35:00.002+08:00

hello world.
i haven been here for pretty long huh.
eyup.
i missed my computer..so much so that i stopped missing it already..
n im pretty much just blogging in my head.

i dont know why.
but it seems like...i almost stopped talking.
i mean really talked.
i cant remember when i actually sit n talked fer mayb an hour with a fren or so... its mostly me listening.... most of the time that aint a problem becuz i dun mind listening...
its juz that now....i kinda dont talk much anymore...n to top it...i think my speech defectedness is affecting work. sigh...n i really dun have much things to say...i really dun have much comments to offer...bcuz my brain really doesnt care or mayb its juz plain dying.

sigh...its coming to the end of my third month in super ZA.
on mon...i had a shock wake up call.
well..i thot it was my off on mon...n i was thanking god like THANK U fer giving me n off on mon bcuz my sun was an OT at sumones wedding n i worked like crazy. n then mon morn while i was simply snuggled up in bed...my colleague called n ask where was i. i was like...huh? its my off...she sed..No...ure full shift today. n i was like..WHAT?!?!!?!? apparently de schedule changed on thurs n i didn check it n i was LATE for work.great start fer the weeks record. anyways... on that very much blessed day...my managers juz decided to do my appraisal...called me in the stuffy stockroom...n did my ratings. even if they r nice ppl...u cant imagine how pressurized im feeling...really. n at the end of it...i got outa room feeling juz almost breathless... n my colleague was like...how was it?? r u ok? u look as if ur abt to cry... Great. i didnt realize that i was abt on the verge of crying..until she mention that. well..i juz breathe like i hyperventilated or smthg b4 i stopped myself frm crying. haha. i completely forgotten how its like to be interviewed by 2 ppl n the xtra pressure im feeling. yes it was PRESSURIZING. oh well... its over...i juz hoped after all this i wld be confirmed. like heck i dun care if i know i deserved better jobs then this. at least im doing smthg then decomposing at home like b4. anw sales coming end june..i think..so im kinda looking 4ward fer the experience...yes.. i juz wish i cld relli gel more wif the others ..not like i got problems wif them..juz that...i juz tend to smile and laugh n not say anything...

anw...did i mention that i bumped into my pri schmate..yea i did..it was ..freaky..him being all so excited abt meeting me..n then signaled his number... n msging me like nobodys biznez... i mean like..hello..yea i undertsand the excited part but i think its a lil bit too pushy msgg two msgs at any one time n start to get all emo if i didnt reply him..like wtf is wrong wif u. im blardy working...n im not free to tend my hp fer msgs frm u... well im glad he stopped now..well i do feel bad to show him my clear disinterest to entertain him... but heck why the hell shld i care abt wat he feels... oh wells...

anyways..sya...well that bugger was being unreasonable putting u work 6 outa 7 days n apart frm sch n all... well...its too bad then... but i hope u can settle dwn n cope with sch first b4 u start signing up fer ur next work or smthg... ok..everybdy wants their bank figures to rise...so do i..even my monthly salary isnt making it any higher at the end of every month. so since u want to study first to get the bigger numbers later...u concentrate on studies first alright... anw id be here if u need mua...

fer my other girlfrens n guy frens ...i miss yall...really. sigh...im thankful im juz 20+ n i still have the energy to kill the long working hours... im sorry if i really cldnt find time to go out n catch up wif u guys... hmm talking abt that... anybody received shans msg abt MI alumni bbq thingy? anyone going????

sooo yea...my facebook is juz plain dead. im sorry guys...i cant add u new frens..i cant do ANYTHING to it. i dun even wana bother logging in. sigh..pure pity. i juz miss my CS. i miss my online frens...i miss my life!

2008-05-13T16:23:00.002+08:00

hey.
yesterday i practically blogged in my head.
today...i didnt think id that much to weite..but anyways..

yesterday was supposedly the most impt day at work bcuz weve got a couple of big shot ladies frm 'not singapore'...coming over to the work place to check us out.or rather how wer doing. n sooo....everybody was trying to behave their best. n so we were...its like almost everyone was working on that day n suddenly we haf so many many many many staffs at every location until there is relli nothing else to do cept to fold clothes that are already folded!! n fer the first time there i actually felt where r the fkg customers? where are they to make a mess fer us to clean? where are they fer us to serve?? cuz we have to of curz bz ourselves with smthg to do. but it was almost like hell bcuz there was nthg to do!! n fer the first time...time actually dragged so slowly...n by lunchtime...we were almost dying of boredom. luckily i was morning so i get to chao 1st... oh well... theyr still gona be here fer a couple o days...n since today im off..i hope theyll b gone by tmr.. not like we dun like them or anythg but its juz too pressurizing to ACT wat they want us to do. ah watever.

anw i watched tv the whole time after i got back frm work. i watched the monday night laughs; 8 simple rules...it was suppoz to be a funny sitcom.sumhow..it was sad. bcuz the dad died.n i cldnt even believed the dad died. i mean...'daddy died'. u know..most of the time...its hard to get me squeeze a tear but in that episode..they dun need to screw their faces bad crying to get my tears rolling..bcuz i juz imagined myself in their shoes.bcuz really i cannot afford to have anybody in my family to die...not now...not yet.not my daddy...not my mummy...not my bro or my siz. even if it were gods plans...then HEd have to help us. big time. n now i realize...mayb...i dun want to study anymore. at least not now. ive to help my dad now. hes taking all the possible burden there is...n im not even close to lessen anything frm him. n as the eldest...yes i feel helpless becuz i havent even thought about giving anything back to them...have u? no matter how fierce..how hot tempered..how insane he can be...hes ur dad.hes my dad. n i love him.(haha so much fer mums day..)(yea i love my mum too) just that...our everyday concerns n routines juz chokes us up n block away the feeling of love theyr giving us..n at this age...most of us r not feeling it..n as researchers says its normal to want to be away with friends and away frm mom n dad at this age... HECK WAT THEY SAY... Getting a life doesnt mean u haf to get out n be with ur friends... it can always mean u spend time with ur family...n thats where u feel the love..love them n be loved by them. u can still feel like the luckiest girl even if u dun have a boyfriend or not with one. u know wat...u can never EVER put ur bfs love first b4 ur family. becuz family can never dump u.

anyways.. im off today...n i went to get my pearls checked..yep..no cavity! n then got my haircut..nthg major done fer long term tho...but it was quite fun to step outa shop looking freaking different..haha. i sumhow wished it was permanent...but but but..im not one to give them permanent ones good maintainence.soo ill juz leave it as it is n after a wash..all them curlsll b'gone. sadly.

have u ever had sumone u know but not so well chat u up outa de blue n tells u that he fantasizes abt kissing u?? well yea..i din know if that night was a dream or watsoever becuz i did get that..only i felt kind of insulted at the end. i mean... i have my principles..n i dun juz go arnd kissing anyone fer nothing. like wth? wat do u take me for? n if feelings is not even involved...why is there the qn of a kiss?? it may only be Just a kiss...but to me it is NOT and NEVER JUST. u know...i cant believe that person can actually have the fkg guts to ask me that...n who the hell r u to ask me that? n who the hell r u to me that i can just give it so fkg easily? omg...it was such a super shocking night. n leme juz warn u...i dun do smooth talkers. impress me? yeah mayb...but i DONT DO SMOOTH TALKERS..or wld u rather call urself playboys? ah to fkg hell the whole lot of u..seriously...so dont u ever dare ask me such fkg qns EVER again...
u dont know me.yet.

no seriously...sheesh.
mayb i dun want to be in a relationship.... fer quite sum time.
guys r simply juz misbehaving their arses. insane. n dun blame us if we were to brand u losers fer life.fkg loser.

2008-05-04T22:22:00.003+08:00

hello.
actually i wasnt even planning to blog today.
but but but..im here..so oh well...

today FINALLY i get to go yoga wif de usual 3 in no. but somehow at the end of the day i STILL think that that gentle session is such a waste. bcuz i ended up feeling SLEEPy when i exited the class n actually almost switch off..no..went unplugged...during the last 5-10mins during the 'rest' time...omg! n i dun feel any refreshed!!! its juz that her class has plenny o props fer us to play with n that shes friendlier then any other instructors...but i dun even understand half of wat shes saying! we shld haf juz stick to HOT! aaaahhhhhh... ive weights to kill...n im not killing any!!

haha...u know when i told me siz abt the crushes crushed within a week..n the fact i got bored so easily got my siz going nuts...she thinks im going les la...haha..n here u are thinking im turning into one. omigosh...PEOPLE..PLEASE.... se-tomboy aku kat sec sch dulu pun tak terlintas sikit pun nak jadi les...HAHA... dan gue ngak akan pernah bisa faham gimana caranya cewek bisa terpikat sama cewek....nagahaha...itz juz purely against nature..even ANIMALS are not doing that. no offence tho.

anways...dun worry my girlfriends...or..if that sounds wrong for me...my Best buddies...im born a girl..i am a girl n ill alwasy b a girl... ok leme hear a huge relief sigh frm sya..haha! yeah..its juz that i dunnola....me n my give up attitude...is juz simply killing me.sucha loser. yep. omg im cursing myself..wtf man.aaahhhhhhh.... i feel like going to de emo breakwater rock n start screaming my lungs out.... anybdy feeling like a bursting balloon is welcome to join me..

wat to do wat to do wat to do.....
wat the fkg hell shld i do...

sya..i love u
azlin..i love u
dayah..i love u
yana.. i love u

n im not a lesbian. Please.

2008-04-30T00:14:00.003+08:00

haha.
i have so many Hes in my life???
i do wonder how many...
itz not ur twin named bf.haha.(btw i missed de part that like ur bf..hes got problems with his 'r' too..haha)

anw.
Hez juz working wif me.
n i guess hes juz de type that goes smooth with ladies...
so i spoz ladies juz got stuck all over him.haha.
well watever.

today...
EVERYTHING is WATEVER.
wanna know why?
i dun even know de fkg WHY.
ive just been feeling sooo sooo....drained. ive been using drained much too many times...well wat word to describe this? juz..the WHATEVER feeling.. no seriously.
n my crush...well..i guess hes juz crushed. i spoz i juz crushed all my crushes away within a week.haha me. its juz so sad isnt it? yea it is. n yes sya...ive been thinking abt my nickname...its miss cricket if u dun mind...i haven been married or divorced to mr cricket...right now miss cricket is single n she doesnt know if shes loving it. worse..she doesnt know or even care if its better for her to Not be a miss right now. dya get me? nvm if u dun.. i dunno wat the hell im babbling abt anw. ok ..suddenly im having a headache. ..ok randomness.

anw..review abt work.
everybody at works talking abt payday...pay increment...bonuses...performance xtra...n watsoever shit..
im not having mine like theirs...so i dun wana talk abt it.
but de thing is...i really dun care.
i dunno why but it all juz doesnt motivate me to work harder or perform better at any rate to earn all this lil things...
mayb theres a lil voice in me tt says why dun u do better?
n then theres juz this plain bored voice..the obvious pessimist: answering..."whatever for.? not like ull get recognized anyway..." true. more often enough i AM the blardy Invisible figure. wat.? i shld be making more noises to get attn??? i dun like gttg picked on..mayb i do like my comfort zone so much so that im gettg sick of it.. mayb i do want a lil xtra more in my life. but mayb its juz that im juz much too afraid of the risk.n all the commitment..n xtra responsibilities. itz not n nvr ez to pick up smthg n chuck it aside..ive to care abt tht smthg n be responsible for watever it is i choose to do. that juz explains why i hate to job hop. its tiring to settle down ..wat with new environment n new ppl n all this shit... but i dunno still if i want or can get used to this...i really dont know. for once n like many other times b4 ..i wished so much to know wat i want to do.

every time this insecured feeeling..this this doubt in me emerges after failing to get it kept locked away at the back of my head...every time this happens...im so so so prone to fall back into my depression state. n i do hate this. becuz i cant seem to get the ans...n how do one really soul searched? i can never answer my own qn still. wch is why i pushed it away...n let it rest until lifes too hard to cope b4 that whole precess comes dwn on me again. i just dont know.

i do have a problem.
but i dun know exactly wat it is.
thats my problem.

dont worry..
i dun even get myself.
mayb i dun get as much laughter as wat the doctor prescribed.
mayb i shldnt have had such super high standards or jokes to get me crackin..
bcuz now...its getting harder for me to really have a good laugh.
n if u try so so hard to tell a joke..id simply roll my eyes if im not feeling sarcastic enough to shot out e one liner: LAMENESS.
pure sadness.

2008-04-22T23:19:00.002+08:00

he.
he who lifts de heaviness of work away..
he who makes me wana c him everyday..
he who takes so little effort to flatter a ladies heart..
with juz a single glance.

tall.dark.handsome. thats almost every ladies dream.
yet he doesnt score above average for them.
hed to be rated average.
bcuz thats why id dare to dream
...with an average.
cuz rated high ones usually lacks the vital inner ingredients other then a pretty hollow shell.

tuesday was unusually good.
he stole my songs...that i willingly give.Literally.
until..
there she was...standing beside him.
talking to him n him talking to her..with an invisible figure standing juz a few steps behind.
didnt want to see how close they can be..that figure had to look away.
she was...
i spoz...Snow white.
Fairer then the fairest..
mayb not the most beautiful in a fairytale story..
yet i had to guess his expectations r quite smthg.
all the smthg which none that i have.

so i guess the rumours that i didnt want to believe were true.
..that i didnt want to know who she is.
but i guess alls crystal now..
a dreams always a dream.
Can i ever expect more...realistically?

snap me back to earth.
work is juz work..
i work with them..nothing more.
i shld have knwn better...n i knew that i knew nthg ever goes right.
yet...y do i feel so crushED...

2008-04-20T23:53:00.003+08:00

its been about almost a month..juz shy a week away...since i actually have a gd entry. i blogged sum days ago but de whole damn story juz POOF disappeared. THNX BLOGSPOT.THANk de damn net.n if i were to start whining abt friendster...NOT TO MENTION BLARDY FACEBOOK....id be writing paragraphs of whiny winding whines here.

yes.. as u can prolly sense im not relli feeling much love. HAHA.
not that i dun get any...
juz that THings rnt juz right.
call it P(ost)MS.

first n foremost... Shld i say sorry for being snappy at u? mayb i shld say sorry to EVERYBODY for snapping at the whole lot.

As u may have not realized if i HAVEN EVEN TOLD U YET...im WORKING NOW..in a RETAIL LINE.. as such...as FAR as I know... sales ppl usually WOrk on WEEKENDS...sales ppl USUALLY DONT GET WEEKENDS OFF. n Hence, it really surprises me to my utmost annoyance that U HAVE NO IDEA OF MY WORKING HOURS. If i dun pick up ur call..it means im blardy working. u dun have to give me 5 miss calls on my fone... not like u dun have anything better to do n call me like u used to . but im working now MIND YOU. im no longer free for talktime nor is my line providing me 24hrs free incoming. NO. its onli up to 7pm... n after that the ticking time is exp. at least for me it is. so to reiterate that my Work is simply absorbing all my cheerfulness away...after i ended work late at night...exhausted frm the days WORK..i dun usually enjoy ppl calling me juz to express their surprise that im working on a blardy sunday...n then put dwn the fone...like wtf? mayb u take me fer granted not minding ur every call EVERYtime....but its different now...mayb uve to learn how to be considerate... NOT everyone has working hours like yours... mayb that explains my behavior. n YEs i do mind voicing it out verbally becuz not everyone is simply vocal like u. n if this actually made u thnking... dun come asking me if its u i meant here...

anw...
on a lighter note..wch i dun get to share it sooner...i went out with ma schmates!! actually a ladies night out fer me sya alin n DAYAH!!! that girl juz emerges frm nowhere after disappearing fer so so so sooo long. eh dayah..ko mcm biskut..kejap ade kejap takde...tapikan ni case extreme... bukan skejap...tapi Lameeee skali die takde...haha! anw i missed u!! n i missed us all togather! had fun n took plenny of pics..thanx fer being my pro photographer..cam aku sendiri tak tau operate! haha! eh i hope u guys got all my 12 mails of the pix..kalo takde den can bug me again...HAHA.

n yes...its the 21st april today... as much as i hate to admit it...the brat is officially legally 18. haha! HAppy Birthday Darling Sizta! nagahaha! ur old!!!!! oh well...now u can officially watch m18 rated movies... no more show fer kiddies!! haha! jk jk...de thing is....ur not relli being a kid... so lax ..lay back a bit n haf fun or ull be missing on ur kiddy years!! i know i missed mine! :P

haix..work is juz...work. i dunno how else to 'complain'. juz numbed.

n the males species... is juz..drained. haha..anw...im sorry if i were to not tell u abt sum stuff abt my daily happenings... i mean im trying to practice being CONSIDERATE here...ya...i do care abt my frens n i know wat things shld or shldnt be told. frm my point of view...thats how u take care of others feelings... i wldnt go arnd boasting how i go abt meeting n making new frens frm de other species...it wld oni make u feel bad..wldnt it? but unless if u insist that i tell u...ok...but u juz haf to stop feeling bad n start comparing urself with other girls in one way or another.. ok.

in any ways... they r certainly WEIRD WEIRD WEIRD ppl.. WEIRD beyond tolerable. so really its no surprise to meet such aliens. yes...mayb sumhow i think aliens r tolerable..even if rumour has it they want to terminate the mankind...or that their fans say that they study our kind so as to improve their community...or watsoever shit... its juz that i think some of us humans have way worse ways then them. isnt it a plain shame? those black sheeps...why do we even call it sheeps? its those minority humans that gives us a black name... we must give those ppl a name..smthg. ok wat am i arguing abt??? those ppl with SH*T Attitudes n SH*T personality thats not even worth a speck of dust. ok..juz so wer clear i dun have anythg personal against these small minded pathetic creatures...juz plain pity. yep. dun u think so too?

oh wells...mayb i juz missed arguing abt smthg...mayb i missed gp!?
haha!!! omg...i do miss sch...i miss de lil squabbles n de fun n de everything. thats life! wait..that WAS Life...

until here i m today...drained to Lifeless..

2008-04-16T23:53:00.002+08:00

i wanted to fkg blog. but the whole entry juz disappeared. thanx to blogspot. @#$%^&*() im so making a new one that is NOT BLOGSPOT! urgh!

2008-03-21T01:28:00.003+08:00

i am so missing my spot here..sitting in frnta de fav pc(even tho its slow n such..)
im missing my online activities...
omg...when was the last time i blogged? 1st march?? EONS ago!
sheeeeeshhhh...

well sumhow..march was...ok...
i started a job.
yeay.
well...as much as i want to be excited abt it...i ..sorta am...onli that its simply a draining-all-ur-energy job. the hours is LONG..n i get little sleep...can u believe i get abt 3hrs of sleep onli?! that depends on the shit planning shift i get. n becuz now my workplace is on town..i hafta get out an hour early...n if i were to report at 8 on a friggin shipment day i have to wake up like wat.. b4 6am?? when i oni get to sleep at like 1 or 2 if i reached home late becuz usual weekends closing will drag till forever!! urgh.

okok...i guess im still in the trying-to-survive stage n still trying to make frens n stuff..my customer service? well i shld be honestly saying that im not very much motivated to serve like how well i did in my previous job. this is like SUPER tiring n ur expected to put a blardy smile on ur blardy face n face fkd up fake posing freak customers whu blardy wasted our time to serve them n in the end decided to get NOTHING. wata !(&W#%*&&^#*!! sheeeeeeeeeesssh.n the everything...it was kinda overwhelming for me...
big brands doesnt mean they are ALL THAT. trust me.haha.

anw..yea..becuz of that i almost have no more life...n as wat sya sed..its robbing me of my social life! so much so that i havent get to do wat i like anymre. i mean i cant even laze in bed on my off day...that time has to be spent outside doing necessary stuff. i decided not to keep up reading bcuz i dun haf time to read as fast n my last loan was weeks past the due date. urgh.work is jus WORK.

n then suddenly...everybodys back to sch again.. or...wanting to go back to sch.sigh. i seriously dun know if i really want to go back again. i mean it wld be nice to do smthg like mass com n such..smthg i think i might like.. n gettg a degree.. (haha) but but but...i juz....i dunno.....in wat way i can ever get it...if i can...then how to complete wat i started. i really dunno. i juz felt that i had to start working....i felt so blardy bad to b dependant on my dad still when i already turned 21. n hes the oni working figure. i mean...i really duno... i dun wana get meself all muddled up thinking abt my future. but then again not thinking abt itll most prolly get my future all muddled up. sigh...i dunno.geez i juz wana block all these thoughts away...urgh...can i juz run away...RUN RUN RUN. reality check will juz make me go mad.

i have no time for me.. no time for my family..no time for my friends... n i hate it.

did i mention abt 13 march? well mayb its too late to say happy birthday to me...haha...but i hope its not to late to say that to Liyana..Happy Birthday Girl! :) hope u get ur lifes straightened out n do wat u wana do ok...wish u all de best!

sooo....
now suddenly i blank out on wat to say.. n to think i had SO much to update since 1st march. oh well... im juz mayb still hoping my fairy godmother will come down n tell me wat shld i do now. juz seriously for this once tell me wats the right thing for me to do now...now that may affect my entire future.for me...n my family.

i dun wana think too much.
im already halfway to losing it.
i dun need more pressure.
tell me wat to do...please.

2008-03-01T22:20:00.002+08:00

hi.
ive been wanting to write since yesterday..but i cldnt ..bring myself to type anything after a shocking revelation...

lets juz start with the week ok..
i..made a new friend in facebook this week...
some of my gurls wldve known abt im...haha...
so yea...one day were msning...de next were smsing...n den he wana ask me out de very next day. Haha. i was like WaT.. no way.. i dun date net guys b4...not to mention even meet em. despite the thrill watsoever id like to find out abt im...i cannot do that u noe.. so we juz stick to smsing.haha...n then i found out that wellllllllllllllllllllllllll.... mayb i got bored so damn easily... i got to know im at the beginning of the week n by the end of the week.. im beginning to lose interest.. haha... damn ain is sooooo.....urgh...i dun even know wat to cal me. i dun even wana think wat therapy id be needing to keep up being interested in da male species for a long term thing.haha..sucha sad girl.

oh well...lifes cruel unfairness juz got me updated and wake me each day...n so...currently im not ..or rather dun have that feeling of wanting to be committed in a r/p... at least for now..mayb i dunno how long im gona feel this way..

well..i spend the week searching for a job..desperately.. n outa pure desperation i accepted the job. im back to square one. Sales. oh god...i dunno wat the hell im doing. im dealing with kids here!!! the very thing i detest most...god. i juz hope HOPE that ill be able to at least survive this..wat with super strict rules n cctv cams in the store!! like WAT!? i feel soo....WATCHED. urgh! plz dun let the pessimist me overtake my entire of wats left of my confidence....god i relli need mental help.

n yea im startg after tmr. god im so scared. i relli dunno if i can do this..........

sigh..
so anw... lets juz move on to a lighter note at the moment. liyana n i caught the movie LEap years. well...at first i thot it was such a ridiculous story to begin with... but after exiting the theatre...i still think its ridiculous..but...real touching. u know its rare fer me to stir emotions in public theatre...but sumhow i felt my eyes watering n was trying not to show im actually feeling the movie..haha..well..its sweet to start with...n its touching...will definitely help to have ur SOuLmate watching right beside u...yea..u can try catch it n rate it urself. its real sweet. anw liy oso made a new fren...a pizza floor manager! haha! cute... dat guy was so obviously looking at our table n i was like seriously wondering why..haha...lucky liy...i wld nvr do smthg so daring like tt..haha well dun be sad...u guys juz start with frens ok? dun worry..ull find mr right sumday. haha...talk abt that..i dun even wana worry whose mine. anw.......

the sad thing is...well my first bestfren ever..shes a mom now. i dunno...mayb i shld be genuinely happy for her as she is...but sumhow i cannot deny the sad feeling i have. i was constantly blaming myself for not being there for her ...for not knowing wat the hell she went thru..n juz for not making an effort at all to be in touch with her regularly.. im so ashamed of meself.god i relli am...i loved her so much n still do...i guess distance juz relli take a toll on us. n the ignorance....its juz killing our r/p...until i get to know her update now...im like stunned.shocked.juz dumbstruck. i felt so helpless...becuz i dun know how the hell to help her...which i felt that its smthg i shld do...as a fren at the very least... god u cant believe how heartbroken i was. shes my friend....n i cant help her...its a big deal for me. i know i know...tell me wats happend juz happens...n i prolly shld juz be happy fer her n her son now. well i hope shell b ok or managing all right at least...sigh...god...help me...help her...

so as u can juz see...my mood is so so low...i dun even feel excited to hear my hp beep anymore.. wats happening to me....

2008-02-24T00:48:00.002+08:00

hie.
the current mood is:whatever.

so hi.
i haven been updating.
mayb tts becus my brains totally rusted out so much so that i practically cldnt THink anymore. HAH!
so wats up in my Feb?
curz everyone wld be over hoohaaing for Vday...which is obviously over.
so howd u spend urs?
i know i was so damn bz killing bots onscreen the whole damn day dat its juz another day for me..u know..nthg SPECIAL. but of curz those with boyfrens or gurlfrens wld nvr agree. like...its a hell of a day n its a blardy must do smthg with a special sumone that day. so they say. i eventually had one of my bestie ending up in my bed that night. sounds interesting isnt it? well..if i put it That way...yeah..makes my vday a whole lot better doenst it? im not lying..its true. :P but of curz she wldnt like it if i put it like that. dun worry...im straight ayte...juz becuz i haven gone dating in wat...a year plus? haha..no big deal. u dun have to date everyday...or even everyweek...a calls juz fine u know...it all goes back to trust. but of curz...i haven seen enough of that in guys nowadays...spitty isnt it? others can say im soo lucky having the truly one n only wanting me n onli me.... soo doesnt he encircles the whole package of trust..n everything else? yea mayb...but i have my standards...n he doesnt have em. ya talk to me abt accepting flaws. of curz i accept them..onli if i can live with it...but as i found out..i cant...so im pretty much being a B**** here. So..WATEVER.

so hows life? im still killing myself slowly...
oh yea...i watched Ah Long Pte Ltd.
wif yana...i still haven finish thanking u ok...
anw its ayte...it cracks u up...pretty much mark lee does it all...
at first id give it an 8 outa 10..then again i think ill give it a 7.4 now....haha...
u can catch it if ur dying to laugh at smthg...
its not as stupid as scary movie or anyting.
they got sum real substance cuz the storylines pretty good i guess....since they have a msg in the end...
i do wonder...how does real Ah longs react to this movie? haha....watch it to wonder..

guess wat..
rumour has it im crushing on my yoga instrutor..
actually i started it..muahahahaha
how can u dun like em??? their built n everything...u can juz imagine their bodz..haha.. ive picked mine...alin has yet to choose hers...haha...yogas fun...since im not doin anythg to at least keep my body alive..im relying on that..n today..i loved it..not bcuz of the hot instructor...but bcuz i get to get my heels over my head...n then the 'shoulder-stand' thingy...n many more wch i can do! haha! im so proud of me! call me a narcissist...ill gladly agree!

anw sya...too bad we missed u today..but am sure u cldnt have spend it better.tell Fiz Happy Birthday yea! n i hoped u had a blast fun today! :) soo c u next week? IM GOING FOR Mr S class if u dun mind.. in the HOT room.......................................... :)

i really do wonder how do we get our own private session with our own personal yoga instructor...
OH gEE... ^_^

2008-02-09T16:37:00.000+08:00

i think im better off as an owl.
my bedtimes getting later n later n later everyday.

abt now..i can only feel right to sleep after reading till 4.30am.
haha.
n of curz my waking time is late.
dun bother asking.

juz the previous night i was playing scrabble with my siz in the wee hrs in the morn. wer playin on the bed when the board juz bounced sending the letters off the boxes. n whislt trying to put em back ..there my bro was laughing at us sayin..instead of thnking of words playing real scrabble, there we were playing a puzzle trying to figure out to put the words back togather. haha~

oh wellz...moments of pure stupidity can send us off in laghing fits. n it certainly is disturbing to the sleeping souls at 4am in the morn. n when people were abt to rise n shine at 5am...we were juz abt to lights out after a sisterly talk after the game.like...time wasnt sucha biggie. haha... o curz i can say that. im not working.im not schling.

now...
im as much addicted to movie marathon as to games of Counter strike. now my bro n i are teaming up to kill. n if were not teaming up...wer killing each other in the screen. mayb i cld try developing my gaming skills n be a pro gamer. haha...n talk abt being a dummy on computers. haha.

as much as i have always wanted that blardy job...im branded a reject already. mayb i shld be thankful i dun need to blardy wait anymore. like hell to ******. urgh!

so where shld i go frm here........
it already seems hopeless to continue that study idea. at least for now. my tries were in vain. mayb it just wasnt meant to be. then wat is??? oh god wat the hell is?
tell me wat shld i do.....

the heads muddled.
the hearts sorrow.
the spirit unalive.
the decision unmade.
shes losing it...
soon...

2008-02-03T03:52:00.000+08:00

ok i had a complete nightmare.
this is a freaking serious case.

ok last evening i went for my frens birthday party.
i met up with adelene den togather we went to Cherlyns 21st birthday bash @ Minds cafe in bugis.

so okla...met up with old sec sch mates..
gosh i miss them like hell.
then we ate..
n there was chocolate fondue..
it was so freaking delicious me n yan zhu finished off the marshmellows n i even scrapped the chocolate off the plate..it looked barbaric..but heck the chocolate was freaking yummy.
n then there was chocolate cake...n brownies!!
n i was like high on sweets all night!
i mean all night.

we played games n all.. i like the taboo game..haha..with me being speech defected...even my sec sch frens blardy noticed it! n i proudly told them abt my speech defect label i earned in sch. haha.

anw...we had fun but too bad the fun guys cldnt stay long so i practically stoned 1/4 of the time. earlier in the afternoon..i had fever coming but it was slightly ok after PANADOL.
then when i reached home i felt it coming again..n again i took panadol but the blue cold one this time. n believe it.. i turn myself in b4 1am frm my usual bed time of after 2.30am.

in bed..
i was trying to sleep.
i was feeling so heaty n feverish.
then i can actually feel the panadol working on me.
during the battle..i cld hardly breath thanks to the blocked nose.haha.
then it was ok.
i felt better.
i tried to sleep.
but my mind kept playing over the events that just happened.
then i was seeing chocolates..
haha..it might be a sweet dream perhaps..
but after a while..i cldnt drift off to slp like usual..
i kept seeing chocolates being served to me on a plate..
chocolate cakes..
chocolates brownies..
chocolate cookies..
chocolate!!
everywhere!
n it was like a game..
if i finished off a plate...more kept coming at me...
n i was like...wat the hell is this?
its like playing over n over n over n over again!

n b4 i knew it..i checked the time it was 3.41am.
i was literally tangled in my bedsheet,my comforter,my pants.
however hard i tried i cldnt shake off the image!!
at any blardy time i cld have sworn im a chocolate freak.
but right abt now i was desperate trying to drift off to sleep becuz i have to wake up early fer yoga trmw!
n i tried to bace anything but nthg worked.
n can u believe it...i actually cried becuz i cldnt get the chocolates off my mind!!!!!
n instead of spozing to get freaking rested..i gave up the battle n here i am blogging at 4am in the morning!!!

man...i actually swore i blardy hate chocolates for literally making me having nightmares abt them!!!!GOD!help me..

im predicting i wld be snoring even when im all tangled up n stretched in yoga class tmr.sheesh.

2008-01-25T19:46:00.000+08:00

just sit n think.
just shut up n think.
just THINK.

THINK.THINK.THINK.THINK.THINK.THINK.THINK.

Think of where you are now.
Think of where u want to be.
Think of where u stand now.
Think of where u want to stand.
Think of wat you did.
Think of wat u have done.
Think of what you are supposed to do...next.

my life may suck fer all.. or anbody cared.
im not sorry. n i nvr asked u to be anything like me.
heck..nobody did.

but at the very least i know my stand.
i know who i am.
WHO I AM.
do you?

2008-01-16T23:05:00.001+08:00

herlow.
right now im having a splitting headahce.
im always having headaches nowadays.
blame it on my daily routines..
which is..
eat watch tv slp.
muahaha.
right.. i dun exercise. i dun relli do much wif the housework.yep.call me lazy. im not making an effort to deny that.

do u wana know why?
its becuz i lost de spirit of my hardworkingness.haha
do u even know i had one?
yes i do.
just that..being cooped up all week at home..is just draining.
yes.it is draining..even without much work done.
nothing to do means it simply drains my mood n energy away.
so do something?
well....id most rpolly be stuck at the computer fer hours...yea..im almost prone to be Addicted to facebook. i have to thank my seriously bad internet service for loving to jam n freeze fer so many times ...that i sometimes lost interest to wait fer it to load even. haha...so den im back to my cs addict.haha.

work?work?work?work?
I AM SEIOUSLY LOSING ALL HOPE TO EVER RECEIVE THAT DUMB MAIL BY SPF.
i so wana do that job. heck i dun care abt tough training. its about exactly wat i need now to polish up my fitness n even oil my rusting brain.
then why dun they jus send me the yes letter...a letter..any letter..tell me i dun need to wait anymore...tell me i can move on...move on? haha..i dunno move on to wat tho..sigh..i think i mentioned abt turning down ALL possible job choices thats been offered. a stupid thing to do now that the letter is never coming.sigh. now ive to start doing everything all over again. den i guess i need to visit the job fair this weekend...a weekend suddenly i have so many things up..n i cant pretty well keep myself away frm home.sigh.

i luv my gfs.
mayb i haven said that enuff. but i luv my gfs.
sadly..aside frm my family..i wldnt have a life without them.
Its so sad isnt it?
yea.
im forever looking at the glass half empty.
a complete pessimist.

2008-01-13T01:48:00.000+08:00

hello again.
i got diz frm facebook.

wat kinda guy id fall for?

I would fall for a Sensitive Guy.
Your man will have dreamy, mysterious eyes and a shy, sweet smile. You'll be head over heels from the moment he first quotes Shakespeare to you in that inspired voice of his. Your Mr. Perfect knows how to be extremely romantic and is in tune to all your moods. He will be able share tears with you. He will always notice when you get a haircut or wear a special dress. Besides being poetical, he may be also musically talented and play you sweet melodies to win your heart. Needless to say, he will love you like crazy.

haha...
not exactly mr perfecto.
id like a lil more adventurous too aside frm de romantic qualities.someone fun. someone brave. sumone pretty much knows body languages n neednt me to explain n break dwn details. it jus spoils de mood. muahahah. meets my joke level.*impt. muahahah..

im juz ....gg crazeee....
im doing nonsense rubbish.
well...whu wldnt wanna know her dream guy right?
o well...
snap back to reality.
mr perfecto DO NOT EXIST.
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee............

2008-01-08T22:48:00.000+08:00

hello.
i havent been here to wish everyone a whole happy new year..
not too late ryt?
haha..well...
thank my internet fer gg haywire.
seriously.

so almost evryone wld start off with new years resolution n all that...
dun ask me wats mine bcuz ive nvr had one.
haha.
pathetic?
yeah.
mayb i shld start doing one.
one that i actually will try to achieve it.
sigh.

"Aim high...as high as the star."
or
"be realistic..know your limits...dun disappoint urself."

yeah so ...all along ive never believe in the first quote.
id rather not disappoint myself fer aiming so high n never be able to reach it.
pessimitic?
yeah..so me.

so wats up?
none too much surprising other then the jobless status still labelled.
sigh.
i cant even be a housewife in training becuz i juz simply refuse n hate housework.
poor girl...ull say?
yeah.
juz choices waiting to be made n here she is juz closing her eyes to evry possible choice that lay in frnrta her.

poor lil soul..she realli doesnt know wat she wants.
she juz got lost.

mayb she juz doesnt wana grow up.
theres juz too much responsibilities to face.
id soo rather turn my back on them all n lead a simple ignorant life...as they say ignorance is bliss...so were the yesteryears as lil kids n teenagers. sigh.

i dun wish fer my coming 21st.
i dun wish fer the so called finally;freedom!
becuz if i were to wish it...id have to start behaving like a soul of 21 years.
n i dun want to.
i like the way things are...i hate changes.
sigh..not like i can do anything to stop time or smthg like that.
i juz have to move on now.
somebdy Push me.
drag me if u have to.

any news?
well sya called to tell me abt something ive knew all along. thanx fer the news tho. i juz din relli cared to think too much abt it.i din know hes like serious. i thot hes ez to move on with the next chic as always. haha. n hes my girlfren.i cant date him! im sorry but my conversation tone with him is either serious biznezz or making fun of him as always. i cant be giggling n flirting with him. i juz cant! relli kid...u have to move on. knowing wat kind of girl i have been...Im such a gd example of a heartbreaker..cant u see that? oh i fergot ur blind.haha. so...is frens cool enuff?

yea...
n den within half hr...i got an online fren hinting me that he can tell his frens hes got a gf in spore. Haha. id rather date this one.haha...but ive nvr met him so...itz a hard thing to be bfgf online. haha...i dun think hes serious anw. but if i can i wld.haha..danger ain.danger danger. oh wellz...im not so desperate hello.

im juz waiting fer that stupid mail telling me i can move on to the next stage n get the job soon.i so need that job.plz oh god let me have that job.i cant imagine myslef doing any other thing.ive turn down every possible choices i had....cuz i cant say yes becuz i know i wun enjoy doing all that stupid shitty work.sigh.

i miss sch.
i miss my frens.
dont you?

2007-12-21T23:08:00.000+08:00

sighing.
a hundred...
a thousand sighs.

i was whining abt not having jobs.
n now that i have it..
i actually can choose.

its juz that..i dun know wch is best for me.
i dun even know wat i want to be doing fer the next 5 years.
i jus always go wif the flow.
but right now..
im like stuck in a dam.
i dont know where to flow.
or mayb i shld start meandering.
but wch way?
sigh.
all i know is i need smthg that i can go sumwhere.
not smthg like a dead end road.

Yesterday was hari raye haji...Selamat hari raye semue.
mine was ok..
i spend half the day voluntereing at my ex sch masjid darussalam.
how long ago have i not been there?years.
anw..yeah me n yana decided to help out n since we werent assigned specifically to anything..we were free to roam abt n help out. but since there wasnt much to do fer ladies ..we juz made up a new job. serve drinks.haha.it sounds ez...yea it was but lunchcrowd was almost hectic wat wif the long lines of human queing for free food n of curz free drinks...so we were just ensuring the line wasnt clogged up n ensure that the line went fast n smooth. ok.so that was it.

then we watch the sheeps.
poor sheeps.
we saw it struggling in vain on the floor apparently taking its last efforts as a sheep upon being sacrificed.
haha...n yana was all saying..isnt it ezier being a sheep? u just have to be sacrificed n ur on ur way to heaven. true.but sumhow they dun have the privileges as humans do. despite that privileges we are also tested with plenty challenges. thats where our faith comes in to help us choose the right decisions. do the right thing. n of curz humans make mistake.plenty of em. n mayb thats why i spoz its ezier being a sheep...they dun have to go thru soo many challenges in life. they jus serve their purpose in life; to be sacrificed.

n here...
brings the topic abt haix how shld i say...sum irresponsible ppl whu apparently hasnt own a beating heart. how cld u take revenge on a kid who is apparently innocent by sending Things to him?? how cld u. hez juz rising to know the world n here u r unhappy wif the family n with no apparent regards to human consideration...u used the unallowed to satisfy ur revenge. like wat the hell is that. mayb ur fit to go back b4 the millennium where crazy ppl used black magic to live. n the very fact that u need sumthing made of bigger power to help u do things u want just simply shows how weak a species u are. watch out if ur not careful...ur own PET can turn against you... u can just wait n see. n not just that. u will definitely face with our whole big family tree damning ur whole generations. unforgiven sins.thats wat ur doing. juz watch ur step. juz watch out. n dun even bother abt asking gods forgiveness becuz u can get nowhere without asking us humans forgiveness first. u made a soul suffer. n well make sure ull have a hundred times far worse suffering than u had made. this is for real. so you just watch out.

so much fer the festive season. i just cant believe this is happening.

so anw...
need i say again that im juz abt numb wat goes on with my own feelings?
am i soo bad n sad that i dun even haf the slightest intention to even think of flirting?
haha.
guys can be so corny.wat wif sweet talks..especially the ones that can simply make you puke on the spot. sigh. i am too choosy. but i think my choosy attitude is worth it. at least im not flirting with any pathetic souls that simply wants to impress with corny lines. my laughs, my lines, my conversations are for only those who can really impress me. n i can hardly find any living souls worth all that.for now.haha. so shld i say that i dun mind being labelled unfrenly.?i dun intend to be ur fren anyway. n i dun think its such a loss. ur juz simply need to learn to clear the super corny lines u ever had that u so daily use to flirt with the ladies. lose it. earn sum useful intellect n mayb theres hope fer u. HAHA.

2007-12-12T00:06:00.000+08:00

im juz so angry.
simply so blardy fkg angry.
ferstly..i juz so happen to be volunteered to be a tutor for my niece.
since my bro n siz r schlin n i happen to be the free one at home...i had to be nominated to be the tutor.
Me.
a tutor.
imagine.

n then the kid..shes the last thing from being bright.
lazy is one factor.
n she failed pri 1!!!
can u imagine?
who in the blardy hell failed primary one?!

she cant read.she cant spell.n she even missed her alphabets in her abc!

can u imagine how much patience i need?
actually i was far frm patient.

nobody relli heard me being loud at home b4..
n now they heard it morning n night.
i yelled at her fer being careless.
i yelled at her for being restless.
i yelled at her for practically anything that i deem 'not doing her best'.

i know she had to have her share of fun during studies.
but heck...i cant tolerate nonsense behaviour.
n to tink i thot i had patience in me.
HAH!
im like the most short tempered person ever.
Kids can really bring out the monster in me.
seriously.
n its not surprising i made her cry over her work so many times juz becuz i lost my patience n of curz my temper ...n raising my voice...scaring her.
n thank god i dun own a whole class of brats.
or id turn into a grumpy girl.haha.
but i do feel sorry fer her.her damn mother was such a useless biatch.she practically dump her daughter at her grandmas n left without a trace.
n that poor kid was motherless fer quite a while until her dad remarried another one.
sigh..i dunno..sumtimes i feel guilty making her cry bcuz i myself realize that this kid is psychologically unstable n yet i can make situation worse. but then again i cldnt build up my patience level.luckily its not her bro..who is far worse in manners than her. if i were to teach her bro...id given him plenty of slaps.honestly speaking that boy is far too blardy spoilt n doesnt even know the meaning of respect for his father.can u imagine him kicking his dad?god i was so 'darah up' man when i saw that.

the other thing was...today..
n i was invited out by a guy fren.
n this time i decided to tell my mum im gg out wif a guy.
n her respond is totally urgh!
she sed i can oni go out wif a third party involved.
her reason: ppl will talk if they see.
n i was like...
hello im 20.
turning 21.
if i dun get the blardy freedom key to go out n needs a blardy damn good reason to go out...i think im practically a prisoner already.
like shit la.
like...does my grandma even thot of such things when she went out wif my dad b4??
not like they nvr went out.
not like my dad came to her hse n marry her on the spot.
she had dates.
as little as it was.
she still had it.

n me.
i juz wanted to go out wif a fren.whos a guy.
thats all.
hes not even my boyfren for godsake.

i am jus so blardy freaking disappointed.
n its not like my mums a famous celebrity that ppl will point n say "hey i juz saw ur daughter wif a guy!"
TO HELL WITH BUZYBODY ARSES WHO CANT BLARDY OWN THEIR FKG BIZNEZ!!!
i am like so friggin mad right now.
URGH!.

n sya. Happy birthday girl. im sorry if this entry has such a mad note that its not entirely suited fer ur birfday mood. n i bet n hope u had a way much better day today n the week of curz wif more invitations n dates out.have fun!

yea.im juz so imprisoned.wat wif holes in my wallets.i really feel so powerless.if thats the word to describe wat im feelin now.sigh.

2007-11-28T01:13:00.000+08:00

Helo.
so hows yall doin?

me?
im ..fine...i guess...

de past few days i get to meet my besties gurlfrens.
YEAY!

ive been out fer lunch wif sya..
ive been out to a movie wif liyana..
n ive been out cycling wif azlin..
n ive even went to catch up wif sum more guys at shans place.

dats quite an achivement! hehe!
well yeah ive enjoyed my week.
at the very least...yea..

however..im still stuck at home.
i did send out some resumes but im not really actually praying that it will come or ill jump dwn n die that kinda thing.
i juz send it.
n still waiting for replies.
yet im not so freaking disappointed abt having no replies....Yet.
haha. i guess im juz feeling the holiday spirit even tho ive been Hol-ing since ferever..

mayb my mood have been lifted up by my real gems.Yeay! im like really happy i get to meet up wif em...but mayb i still wish i cld meet back my old classmates schmates frens wateverlaa...i miss my teachers too.sigh.

n guess wat.
i FINALLY WATCH TRANSFORMERS.
n to think that i actually missed it..its such a HORRIBLE IDEA.
de movie was freaking awesome.
fictional.
a bit cartoon.
but awesome.
still i knew de movie cld be more.
haha...expecting a lil too much?
well...yea!haha!

n i watched enchanted.
it was funny.
ok i din exactly jump out my seats but it was a pleasure to watch with my buddy. we were the crazy excited ones going oooohs n aaaahhs n awwws...while we were surrounded by practically couples everywhere snuggling n cuddling at the little romantic scences.its not So a romantic movie relli.its juz a 50% funny movie.i luv that chipmunk tho.haha!

n i so wana watch that 3 chipmunks movie!haha!reminds me of me n alin during our drama days..like 2 lil chip n dale running around sch avoiding fung,the drama dracula.haha!yea i miss fung too.

oh wells..its the hols now....anybdy wana date me out again? hehe! but mind im jobless now...so...plan a budget outing?MUAHAHAH!

2007-11-21T01:39:00.000+08:00

hey.
its 1.40am now.

i just gotta drop by.
ive been on the msn just now.
n tonight..even tho msn suck..irritates me to hell..
i did have ..let say..a reflective conversation..

im a friend.
n im glad im one.
ill help whenever n however i can.

n sometimes...if i can help...im glad..
i cld be a helping hand...
or even a listening ear..
but if i ever helped you...n its a help for you..
im glad.
sincerely i am.

its just that i was thinkin...
thruout my 20 years alive...
ive had much more expereinces...
the 'been there done that' times...
n i learn.

ive regretted..
n i was sorry...
but somehow i managed to switch off myself..went into coma fer a while...b4 switchin back on myself...
n i did survive the various...things...i went thru.

n with that..i shared wat i learn..
i help in watever way i can.

however...it just make me realise...
ive done.
ive learn.
ive shared.
yet..
i havent improved on myself.

its always...always...always eazier said then done.
n how true it is.

i realized...
however much i help you...
yet..
i couldnt help myself...
i cldnt help myself improve on the mistakes ive made.
i cldnt face wateva mistakes i did.
i accept that its done n over with..yes..
but i cldnt...i dunno how..

sigh...
i dun even know wat this feeling is.
is it guilt?
is it confused?
hah...im like ferever confused.
my brain cells just wun stay in place.
im digressing.

oh wth..
im juz...saying that...
i dun put into practice watever n however much ive said to others.
n im afraid now.

So..watever is to happen..happens.
im no longer going out to venture fer my future guy.
ill stumble on him anyhow..
or if not...ill always believe in fate...
..if i live long enuf.

2007-11-13T01:18:00.000+08:00

lookee ere.
currently my status is: LOST.

im so lost...
in the muddled mind
im swimming in my own confusion.
im unsure of my next step.
the confused mind created havoc in the logic.
which is no longer thinking logically..

oh god help me in this ....this...unspeakable thing.
theres too much to choose..
yet i dunno where to start.

mayb i have to answer my own qn.
what the hell do i exactly want to do?

god where can i find the ans...
u may think its a silly qn to ask oneself.
but its an unanswerable qn to an unsure figure who is lost..
totally lost abt wat she wants...

till now...shes...simply...

Lost.

2007-11-07T21:59:00.000+08:00

heyloooooooooooooooooooooooo....
yea at last im finally blogging...
been procrastinating since forever!!

sooo yea...
ive had my dinner n dance..
ive had my box of donuts...
n ive finally quit my job!!!!!!
its a good thing..really.

ok i actually tried to put sum pix but since de language here is all in foreign characters...i dunno how the hell to do it.

yea...d n d.... was.... fun...i guess... i mean...if theres the right ppl with me...itd be So fun ...well at least we cld get crazy n all u know....so i onli had mei2 to climb the chair n start jumping up n dwn like a mad freak....n ma siz screaming her lungs out...haha...n i thot celest was a fun girl.....mayb during the club dance..haha...n jane...was a complete disappointment. the thing is..she feels that shes super old to be acting crazy n all. like hey...shes not even married yet! n shes like not at all feeling the fun. shes simply sitting there eating her fruits..when the menu has like lamb chops!!! n giving a stoned face at every game.SAD m.j. seriously.well me n ma siz was dressed up as chinese...ya...n guess wat...i actually tied a sari for jane even tho im knowledgeless abt it!!!!! haha! but it turn out ok...onli she cant relli walk after that!!! haha!but i did had sum fun yea....i so missed sch...n i so wished i had a prom.HAHA! ive no more sch!!!!

but m.j was nice.. shes always quite generous despite her kiasuness as a typical singaporean...she bought me sum blackforest thingy frm coffeebean...haha...bcuz shes a member~...shes like a member in everything!!! oh wells...i still luv my sc crew... too bad june n celest wasnt there on my last day...was onli bel jane n ain...bel was all huggy n sad...n so was jane..tho shes not much of an emotion expresser. i took pix of curz...but yea i didn cry... :)
true im so gona miss em....actually am missing them already...

now im pretty much lazying at home..n im simply rotting!!! i eat n slp n eat n slp n eat n slp!!!! i felt like a complete pig!!! yea..tell me to go start hunting for jobs. i ...did try looking at the paper n every page was turned with utter sadness. reason being i cldnt find anything that i cld do...or rather i LIKE doing.relli..i do not want these..no teaching...no office desk bound admin wateva...no more sales...n so that leaves me with wat?haha.i haf not much idea. picky? VERY. sigh.

tmrws deepavali...n im wishing EVREYONE or all the hindus happy deepavali!!! :) u know i kinda wana taste the indians traditional cakes n cookies n sweets.. my mum sez there were relli sweet sweetz she tasted b4 n i wana try it! cuz its sweet! :) anybdy know how i cld get my hands on those edible stuff?

to liyana: Thanx fer de blog entry! i really appreciate it.. like seriously touched! hey u shld come over soon n take a look at this months stuff! n of curz ur stuff! ;) c u siz!

to sya: Girl...i so miss u. when r we gg out? n i so wana borrow ur transformers cd.... hmmm....itz ok if ur bz now...but... I MISS YOU!

to alin: if u ever read my blog.... i miss you too...i haven seen u fer AGES. i hope sch been pretty good fer u...but i spoz ur bz wat with hws n exams n all...oh well...i hope to see you soon!

yea... i juz practically need to get out soon n meet up with u ppl! bcuz im seriously rotting here.

2007-10-19T00:21:00.000+08:00

hey.

currently my body hasnt been functioning too well. im easily tired nowadays. n sumtimes i get grumpy pretty easily.n in the last few days i had sudden increase in appetite n did u know i finished 2 whole big tupperwares of snacks juz munching them in frnta de tv? n now..im oh-my-god abt myself....did i juz finished 2 whole big tupperwares of keropok by myself???? haha..nolah my bro got eat oso...but i practically cleared it up clean.sheesh. ok.its not my body. its de bloody pms that im so dreading abt. urgh.

so anw..yea..i had to go story telling wats up in store cuz i wun be store-telling abt me anymore next month. i SERIOUSLY HAve to get myself outa there.

one day i served tis customer...shes with a guyfren or her boyfren but we all guessed they were juz frens or mayb their still in courting period. so anw...she was trying sum stuff n as usual i was juz waiting outside de fitting room area juz stoning into space.i cldnt be bothered to go talk to the other 2 chi girls who r bz chatting away. n then the guy whu was waiting outside came up n sed, " i observed that you are not happy working here." n i was like taken aback by his comment. like duh...i NEVER expect anyone to say that...its a duh thing but then i sed " was it so obvious?" thinking he was like juz making a guess to start a conv or smthg...n then he sed No..he sed he can see thru ppl n sense stuff abt them..n i was like saying jokingly " so u got like a sixth sense or something?" n then he sed no...he has something to do with some Neurological something something..wch all i know is something to do with the brain. so this guy knows how the brain works n how ppl react to it. in short...hes some sorta psychologist something like that...n i was like .."so...u r a....?" he sed hes a financial consultant but he takes this thing outa leisure n interest. n i was like completely wowed.n i was like abt to ask him MORE QNs when the menyibuk girl fren come out. haix. after that me n my m.j was like...man i shlve go n ask fer his no. or something.jane sez hes cute. i think hes ok...but i found him extremely interesting. psychology. things to do with ppls behaviour n the brain. i was always interested in that.n then he come along popping me that qn...so a WHoa moment. sigh.i want a bf like that.haha! i dun mean geeky.hes juz interesting. n i bet i cld want to know more abt this brain stuff.cool isnt it?

so yeah. thats one.

today...the shop was almost completely empty.which is a vast contrast to yesterdays sales which is quite good fer a weekday. today we din even hit 1 k at all even when its almost 5pm.SADNESS. n there were like 6 staff? n i dunno y they call in so many back ups for.stupid. anw..theres this normal customer came in try stuff n buy...normal...juz like any others...i thot she looked familiar...but oh well..most customers look familiar cuz they always drop by at gg5. but when she was at the counter...n i looked at her n she looked at me..there was this 5 secs of cricket silence. my mind was going thru files of recognition for this particular person. n b4 i cld say anything she sez .." u look very familiar". n i was like...yaaa.....do you go to any school like merlimau pri or.....she sed pioneer...yes! n then i ask...ur name...she sed meng meng...n i was like...confirmed!!!! MEng Meng!!!! my very classmate from china! haha!look at her.i was wowed.relli wowed. she was all ..oh how r u doing n stuff like that...im here in a shop apparently hosting customers like you.haha.i was ok...juz that..she was doing well as a prudential advisor n currently on a degree in int. biznezz.n even her fren ..my classmate...is in some james cook uni now. n then she was like..."we can keep in contact or something..heres my card"...to my utmost surprise. MY very classmate handing me her namecard. imagine me at the receiving end...wat do i feel. i Felt SUPER INFERIOR. i felt so small. i felt so damn blardy ashamed of myself. i know theres nothing tobe ashamed of but i am. here is the classmate doing so so SO well n i am hiding behind the counter sucking up to rich bitches. SO after today... i take all these as SIGNs that i SO have to Get outa the place asap.

sya.
HELP ME with the resignation letter shit. i So dunno how to write one.
anw where u working now? no updates?
n i dun need the 50 bucks service of urs thank you. i have free hands here who is so ready to toss them in the garbage fer me.haha.
the d&d theme was STUPID.n i cracked my brains fer nothing to HELP think of themes fer that.n they didn even pick any of it. HUH! n i Have NO idea wat to wear! i herad we cant wear somthing of our own culture. so what the heck shld i wear? cheongsam?sari? n where the heck can i get those in BUdget? n i So have no time to go hunting fer costumes..sya hELP!! lets say u do have sari..or cheongsam...can i borrow??haha!
n yes its so wrong fer the ex to bring me out when i really dun want to do anything more with him.if u wanna go out with him, go ahead. i WONT go out with him even with you.. n dun ask me why i detest him so much. so get it clear. n if he ever comes to you whining abt me again..tell him to shut up n get a life. plz know that i can be bad 2. as u said...im something u never thot i was.

i hope its not too late fer me to wish all Selamat hari raya kpd semua Muslim yang sah...kepada mereka2 yang tak sah... ia adalah kerugian kamu sendiri kerana hari raya bukan hanya kemeriahan pada zahirnya..tetapi hari raya juga adalah satu kemeriahan pada batin seseorang kerana hari raya adalah hari kemenangan kepada mereka yang menjalankan ibadah puasa dan lain lain dengan ikhlas dalam bulan Ramadhan yang termulia dalam segala bulan2 yang lain. ah.ain step bersyarah. ya udalah.gue udah capek nih.selamatz.

2007-10-11T00:01:00.000+08:00

Procrastination.my ever worst habit. its not like i just realize that. its juz that i can never seem to get rid of the damn habit that well....puts me in a headache..most of the time.

like...i haven blog for like Years...n i knew i wanted to..but i kept telling myself later.later.later.n hari raya is like in 2 days time..n i HAVENT CLEAN MY ROOM YET! like wth rite..i had every intention to clean it today but i was stuck in the kitchen the whole day baking. fine..i HAve to finish everything by tmr. cuz fri wld be a hectic kitchen day.n sat is RAYE! wow. i never imagine that time flies by SO damn fast. n i din relli exactly carry out n experience magical moments fer ramadhan.haha.im sad that i had to miss it.damn my friggin lazyness.

anw...yeah...its so cool sya...u managed to clear up ur mess...id liek to c ur new room :) if theres space...we can work out on ur new yoga matt..haha! im still wondering where to dump my files n notes n boxes of mi stuff. id hate to throw it away.i mean i know i din exactly put all my efforts on them but i relli cant make me throw them away.yet. But its sooo taking up space n a form of dust collecter. how? i dun wana throw it yet i cant afford to keep it. i cant stash is in the store..itll be better off as a fuel for the fireplace then the store.sigh.wat do i do?

n dya know something?i got a damn stupid annonymous phonecall..actually a missed one..n a voice msg..wch to my wonder n superb annoyment..is a musical box music...n i know the person literally put the phone to the music to record it as a msg bcuz i can hear obvious pauses in btwn the music n the putting down of the phone.its scary.yet its super irritating ok. i dunno why but im NOT flattered with such 'prank' calls or u can call it mysterious mgs. like hello. my siz got one b4 n its from a guy who was secretly admiring her. n if this is my case....u can kisssssss goodbye. i dun take stupid nonsense like this. i hate it esp if i dunno who it is.the no was familiar..n i had my guess...but too bad my saved no.s r in my samsung phone wch is dead by now. anybody have samsung charger???? i desperately need to save my phone. n anw back to that stupid thing... yeah...giving me annonymous msgs is a complete annoyment to me..so i suggest the guy without the balls to own up his identity or the girl who decided that she has no life to stop this super pathetic thingy.n seriously i have no time to deal with this shit thing. clear?

n oh yeah...suddenly the ex decided to call me out n ask me out fer dinner. like wth? i seriously have every urge to tell him to delete my no n get on with ur life man. n he can forget abt any thought abt calling me or bring me out to hellwhere.bcuz i seriously DONT want to have anything to do anymore with him. too bad.im just OVer You.*****

anyways..sad stuff n nice stuff at work. ayus leaving us.SADNESS. im SO gona miss her. sigh.
n the good thing is...tuesday.the oni day i work for the week was ...can i call superb? bcuz i practically hit my target n sold more than 1k for the day!!! can u believe it? a partimer?! me!haha! i have to thank the 1st lucky fish i caught fer the day...she bought like 4 dresses n the french coat n her bill was over 500+ in a single receipt.wow.i didn know shed get so much.i was well...proud of myself...n now i know my m.j true colours.even tho she never brag n boast....she gets restless if her sales isnt the highest for the day since shes so used to being the pro seller in the entire store.she was way cranky when my figures was higher then her in the earlier part of the day.sheesh.m.j.. i pity u.honestly.

oh wells...wat else can i say...im pretty much occupied...n i have no time n i dun think i want to make time to go hunting fer a partner.im happy fer yana...i hope hes the best one fer you :) i know im not ready. i get bored to easily. i know its bad. but hey...u cant sustain my interest...too bad.

adioz.

2007-09-17T01:37:00.000+08:00

hello.
im always trying to delay my blogging time until its now like 1.30 in the morn.
now im much better off asleep in laa laa land...
and i do wonder wat isit that i want to rant so much abt just now that i cant rmber now.

mayb its about yesterday.
at work.
again ..i know..well i spent my living days at work..n hence things happen u know.
but anws... my buddy partimer mei2... sighz..theres no grace to goof around with. so im left with jus her. well...i dunno why...but mayb my kiddish habits r still intact that we enjoy butt whacking each other so much n pasting scotch tapes on each other secrectly that well....somehow i cld sync with her. n i dunno why...out of all days ...n besides i dun really know her that well...i start blabbering to her the Sadness...thats what she call anw. yeah...life is sadness...i know mine is...sorta...tho i know its not so bad n i know im making a big deal outa it...but having n realizing that i hold n actually feel that big burden of responsibilities on my shoulders...i cant help making a big deal of the Sadness in my life. n im 20...im just 20...heck im still denying the fact that im old.haha.smack me. anw...i was saying...yeah...well that girl....was my sisters age...n at 17...shes lecturing me wat i shld be doing with my life.n i actually poured all my feelings to her...n heck i dunno why.i mean.....i only see her a couple of times a week n thats it...n suddenly after a day of butt whacking each other...im telling her my everything.. i felt weird. n i thot im not an ez one to spill things.

i guess i miss talking to someone. yeah i know...everybodys bz with work .n school....n family n guys..n heck..everything.n i simply miss the part where u simply sit back n chill with a few frens ...share everything...n just have a good laugh. yeah i miss that. and right now..i dun even know why my eyes r watery. mayb my hormones r working overtime...well..i guess im pmsing the emo way..haha.

anw mei2..she juz...made me talked so much..n i felt like...i had to wake up...here is this 17 year old...my sister age...younger then me..here lecturing me abt wat i shld do abt my future. well thats abt it..i dont know wat to do abt my future.i dont know where i shld go from here. n yes i do...n who doesnt want to continue their studies..yes i do...even tho i admit im practically lazy..wch clearly shows on the recent cert that im so shamed of.n all i can do is sigh.bcuz really ..i Dont know where i shld start...or where i shld go.all my life..i had my choices narrowed to either this or that...n now..after this...im left with a million choices that i dont know how to decide wch is better for me...to continue working or continue my studies now.n after that theres a million more choices to work on...god im drained. im drained just thinking abt it. n i dun think i cld stand actually going thru everything n seriously deciding it. n wat im doing now is to stall for time. n i had wasted too much of it already..n no miracle happened...or at least no signs to tell me wat i shld do..bcuz i cant decide by myself.really i cant.

at least sya got a proper job now.even tho the workload is ridiculous...at least ur called secretary n paid something...i think? haha...n yana is happily working at some clinic i guess...n alin is prolly buried in her sch lectures n notes as always...n me...im slaving at some shop n paid miserably. i do realize i have to do something. but i just cldnt bring myself to do anything abt it bcuz i dunno how. call me stupid...mayb i am fer thinking too much. anw let me juz sigh again.

anways..i haven seek my apologies from everyone of you ... since ramadhan is here..ive yet to feel the magic of the month...bcuz...right now im simply mentally drained.

2007-09-04T16:14:00.000+08:00

FINE.
i guess im the selfish one here.
isnt pisces damn fishes made to receive attn???
like him?
or is there anything ELSE in the world abt me n him different besides me being a girl n him being a boy?
i dun care if i behave exactly like him..or him exactly like me...becuz heck i dunno y...mayb wer born on the same month? n u really dun need to make it such a big deal. oh wait..nvm... since u already have one pisces species always with u 24/7..i spoz u shld already know wat to expect of me...having the same characteristics as him ...right?

oh wells... nvm...as i said...since im am supposedly the selfish one here... u neednt bother anymore alright....sorry for barging..n sorry for my rudenes...n sorry for not knowing ANYTHING abt you anymore. of curz i forgot...hes always there for u...n of curz i neednt worry. ur right...u can run along now...back to his arms...n of curz to ur other frens n watevers big occasion happening with u guys soon.

ill prolly juz sit here n rot.
true...blogs r something isnt it.
it can destroy...i know.
it can also do smthg gd.
but for now...i spoz im wrong too.
i can haf a million other ppl..
haha ..as if...
i know i never haf them as much as you.
n i oni haf a few.
n these few r the onli ones i haf..
n hence...i cannot afford to lose even one of them.
but since u preferred to run along with ur prefered ppl...
i spoz...i cant do anythg ryt..
all i can say is ..sorry...to haf expected too much.

2007-09-04T00:53:00.000+08:00

ok im here. i cldnt wait till tmrw. ok technically later today when i wake up but wat the heck im not asleep yet now. sigh. i dunno wat exactly to blab abt today. everythings juz muddled. i dun exactly know wat is it. i dun think my periods coming yet..yet ..i feel that i need something.. i dunnno what... mayb all i need is a big cry. it has been long isnt it since i last cried? i guess. i mean i hardly have any time fer myself. n i hate it. i hate having no life. n i relli wonder how these ppl work fer a whole 5 years in retail line full time n still survived. i mean.. im juz abt to give up now.mayb its juz little things that build up n eventually i cant take it anymore. two idiots r hooked up at suntec n dear ruby have to leave. n now with these two unknowledgable ppl here...fasting n breaking fast became such a BIG deal. like wth...n i oni took a few days to take my break at 7pm..n they were making such a hoohaa over it...i dunno wats gonna happen during the fasting month when i need the whole damn month to take my break at 7pm. like hello...u dun like it..u cant do anything abt it bitch.so juz sit back n shut up. n as ive said ive NO life. n i mean i haf no life besides wake up go to work.get screwed come back eat n slp.thats all i do now. i hardly use my hp anymre...like who the HEll msg me now?? my frens?? haha. i dun think they bother replying me anw...n SO I WILL NOT BOTHER REPLYING THEM TOO. i guess everybodys busy. but hey u dun haf to mit up everyday to be rmbered u know. u live for ur hp. use it. oh im sorry...i forgot...u actually have to pay for that..yah....5 cents is such a great amnt to u ..u cant part with that BIG amount juz for me.... yeah...i see that now... so wat is left to say? thank you?.. i dunno exactly wat for but...Thanks. i cant be bothered to put all these in paragraphs cuz well for all i know im most prolly juz blogging fer my own self.its been dusty fer too long n my life hasnt had a twisted turn yet to make my entries a lil bit more interesting for you to read.so yeah...im sorry too... i duno exactly wat for but heck im SORRY.urgh.i think i really need a cry.

2007-08-15T11:58:00.000+08:00

heylo.
im off today!
yeay...i juz noticed...ive got a lota off days now. mayb after almost yelling at the dumb REs...it worked. did they think im a robot? juz bcuz im a parttimer...i can juz fill in any empty slots to fill in the day schedule...n it dun matter to them abt my off days? can u imagine me working more than a week without any off days...when even a full timer gets one off day every three working days? isit like ever fair? oh wells...lifes nvr fair... lUcky i tried to make it fair.at least fer now. but den again...no work..no pay. i dun even haf a basic...not to mention any commission at all.hah. thats a pts life. i know its miserable. its damn miserable pay. but i cant help it..i cant say i hate it..im startg to like the job..flying everywhere IS troublesome.. but at least i can meet new ppl...even tho im shy..haha..i still can escape frm the same faces everyday...n im making more new frens...yeay me.

i was at cozway yest...n theyve this dress...ness dresses r cheap.esp after SP...ok compared to gg5..its still a heart wrencher even after SP fer GG5 clothes. n im falling in luv with the new dress..AH! Carmen! u made me like that dress....n i kinda want to buy it....only that after doing my budgeting this morning...i think i haf to forget abt it.sigh. evert pay time ..i wld strt cursing on de damn miserable amnt im gettg..n true...i know im deserving more then this! haha! juz tt i StiLL havent found a new job...much less Tried to find one.

anw...the day b4...i met ma Siz liy...was So glad to c her...spend sum tym togather..talked...n shared stuff...n by today...im happy fer her :) n props to ur elder cuzzin fer gvg de best advice eva! n i cldnt agree more! ok i shall not speak again abt it... but hey single-isma is not that bad! i mean i lived! haha!really its actually good fer u...n u SO Need that break. n fer now...juz relax...have fun n enjoy urself! i bet u its fun lar! free... no restrictns...nothing! n hey ..u wun stay single fer long....i mean u can spend the rest of urlife...committed n attached...so why not when u have that period of freedom...use it..WIsely ok...u dun need to get stressed so soon ayte babe. call me! :) haha....

ok...ain stop it...i spoz...my moods ok now..or my blog entry wld be full of curses n stuff like that...usually.ayte...i guess tts is fer today!

2007-08-12T02:29:00.000+08:00

heylo world.

ok i just had to blog now..of all times at 2.30 am now. bcuz fer the whole day ive been blogging inside my head. ok basically most of the blogging was actually cursing inside my head.

started the day with..a friggin headache which results into a bad flu after eating panadol for cold wch ironically is meant to treat flu. ate breakfast without tasting wat the heck i ate on the table.. n then left the hse n walked to the mrt stn. oh i guess lady luck decided to friggin ditch me today. cuz..suddenly hey it started to drizzle. n then it became worse. me n my big bag plus my paperbag with my uniform really makes me irritated to take my umbrella out.n hence the drizzle got worse n of curz i was wet.

then at work. well i cant be starting the day with enthusiasm can i wat with flu n all. n then things jus start to get worse. hey my biatch was working today.n all she can do is to bloody get on my nerves. she got the nerve to STeal my customers away n then key in her blardy name in the com as if she blardy served them...blardy*****. she was damn lucky im JUST a partimer. if i was a full timer...i wldve given her a damn slap on her face cuz HELLO u got any brains or any senses left that u cant see that shes MY customer??? blardy BIATCH!

ok...so i was complaining n whining to evrybdy else....n then she did it again. i was actually in the process of serving MY customer...i was TALKING To MY customer abt colours n all. n then as if im invisible...she jus butts in n asked..." hows the fitting mam?" as if im not even there...like HELLO! **** you! im serving here...wtf r u trying to do?i was SO so soooo damn blardy fkd up...my face was black the whole damn day. i ignored her tried my best to ignore her n curse her all the curses i know...silently of curz.

but just so happens that my clumsy day had to be today. i bet u ppl might be guessing wat ain did next? haha. i went to buy water n sum fruits n when i gt back into the shop..while trying to squeeze my way btwn boxes n the pathetic space behind the counter now with the bitch standing in the way...my legs gave way fer no blardy reason...n poop i fall into the box. can u imagine the tv size box with half the height of it?wch means im practically in the box with my legs hanging outside n i have no way of getting myself out without any help. and kind ruby is the ferst one to laugh her hearts out jus like my good fren nithiya laughed when i tripped n fall in btwn the tables n chairs in sch last time. n wat cld be better to have my most hated enemy as the prime savior who actually help pulled me out of the box...

wow. i can laugh at my own face man.
dear dear sweet biatch of mine...im not trying to be a sudden hypocrite. but ur a pure biatch. n ull always be...unless of curz if ull stop ur bossy attitude n ur know-it-all moments and giving ppl the cold stares n try to at least try to be a good FRiEND...then mayb...juz mayb...u can be erased from my hated list n ur biatch name will be changed.

but anws....i had no choice...i owe her a thanx..can u imagine urself juz falling into a box in frnta a whole lot of customers...n have ur frens laughing at u insted of helping u? oh man...that MUst be an entertaining sight.so yeah...i thank her...sincerely of curz...tho i still held the grudge fer stealing my customers n lacking the every manners as a colleague. so yeah...after that...she was happy enuff to talk to me after a vain try in the earlier afternoon when i was smoking in anger.

n then...train ride home was soooo blardy tiring...it has been often enuff that i stand during most of my journey home in the train..n i cant stand it ...cuz ive been practically standing for the whole damn blardy day since 12pm!n i sooo need to sit! n then theres this weird woman who keeps walking back n forth back n forth...n i had no blardy idea wat shes trying to do in that crowded train...man was i damn pissed when she get to sit b4 i did.urgh! yeah blame my pms fer my sudden outburst of anger.ive been having planty of outburst lately.

n then now.
now sigh...i hate to blog abt this.n i wun. i just dun understand...how you can take it being torured this long this hard...i wldve given up if i were u.. i dun understand this guy either...n i dunno wat he wants. all i know is that...theres no element of trust here anymore.not a single particle of it. n when there is none...how can either of u believe each other? it takes time to build trust u know. n right now with so so many complicated conflicts and all..i really dunno how u can make him believe u..in just an instant..unless of curz u guys r willling to start anew. but i can see that one party isnt willing.n its simply no use ok...no use to complicate things further wat with more lies n all...n a relationship based on lies...is based on Nothing at all. can u just take a step back n think wat good is this going to bring if neither party can actually be matured enough to bring this relationship to a level where there is understanding and a compromise? im sorry but i really cannot see it. yes i have n always been a negative thinker. n right now...its the right time to think negative. bcuz right now nobodys thinking positive abt anything. so..negatively...id rather stop evrything. n live life the fullest.cliche. but its true. im happier the way i am now.

2007-07-27T13:34:00.000+08:00

hi.yeah im back cuz basically ive nothing to do. actually ive got loads....but heck im so not in the mood to be hardworking now.

so yeah...today later im spoz to go to wisma fer the midnyt sales. yea my schedules mostly at wisma now...haha... its quite a gd thing...least i can escape unpleasant days frm de biatch n get to face some new frenly n even cute faces..hehe.

ok...so i was spoz to end my work by july but since i havent even try finding a new one..i guess i cld stay fer another month ..plus june was begging me to leave time fer her to search fer my replacement. oh wells...

yea ive spend more than i shld ..i practically spend like minus the amount my salary man.sheesh. its getting outa ctrl! help me help me! ...but...it wldnt be a prob if my pay was higher right? tsk tsk... no...my spending wld increase juz as well...sigh...wat to do...

yeah so i had to use de voucher that was almost heaven sent..but not quite...n got me the sony walkman. n b4 i cld even get to know my fone...my samsung slide juz decided to ditch me. u know wat? it ran outa batt...n when i charge it, the phone didnt receive no power n hence it cant be charged! like damn it!it has to be NOW outa all times to ditch me...i haven even get to copy my contacts to the card yet!n luckily i din throw the old batt wch is broken...but at least it saved me to rescue my contact list frm the fone b4 it went dead. like shit! i liked that fone...n i never had a wish to throw it away! but why! why muz it die on me so suddenly?!! why! why! why! u know yesterday i was so emo abt my fone death i got all worked up.....sigh...actually de fones ok...oni de buttons myt screw at times...its that damn blardy charger that ditches me..idiot***!urgh!

n fer a slow learner non-tech savvy idiot like me....im like....'i juz caught a fish n i dunno wat to do with it!' kinda situation. wat the heck am i crapping?urgh!

n im still feeling sick.apart frm all this madness n sadness.

2007-07-23T17:43:00.000+08:00

hey.
hello.
aloha.
salamz.

sighz. currently im down with like so many many many many disease.
n i thot im as healthy..as a....as a......wat do u compare health to? a nut? healthy as a nut?
wat rubbish....NUt juz popped in my mind. ok mayb thats the pure indicaton of my mental degradation.

mental? aha....i havent mentioned abt my physial state have i?
oh well...im believed to have been poisoned. yup...thats wat the handsome doctor sez...ive had food poisoning...haha..if i havent been ill n look so haggard n hey-wired....i wldve given him the all-smile face....HAHA.

so yea...i have two days mc plus the xtra sun off wch i cant get an mc cuz the docs closed on sun. but hey it dun make no diffy cuz its not like i can make any claims...im juz a blardy partimer with no blardy privileges.sigh...if i were to continue this topic...it wld bring me back to the 'get a new job ny now' chapter.sooo yah...i think ill skip it.

heck..ive nothing else to rant abt cept fer work.
fine.
now...
i havent been taking care of my pet(s)...wch have all died cuz of me.
i havent been taking care of my room...wch have turned out to be a shipwreck.
i havent been taking care of my finances...wch have left me BROKE.
i havent been taking care of my health...wch have made me contract all sorts of diseases.
i havent been taking care of my diet...wch turn out disasterous on me.
i havent been taking care of my inner soul...wch have made me into a depressing pathetic soul.

yeah. thats my update guys.

2007-07-06T00:29:00.001+08:00

surprise.
im back so soon??

well as yall know...when im back so soon...it doesnt mean that its good arnd here. its bad.

i juz HATE. n i mean HATE it to announce to the whole damn world about my current edu status.

everywhere i go....EVERYWHERE i went...EVERYBODY juz HAVE to start giving me free lectures abt dun waste ur time abt finding a new job..or either convert full-time cuz its better then a part time thing.

like HELLO! dun u think i know that?
mayb u didn hear my education status clearly. i may not have reached the darn UNI... but im damn well way more informed than most of you. i thank you very much fer ur concern abt my future....but hey a few comments is enough...but everybody i met?? like...wat the hell is that?

mayb i shld juz quit without giving any tender at all. but hey...i dun wana lose the cash i earned like wat happen in my previous job. so to ALL of you who is so so very free n willing to give me free advice once u leanrned abt me, save it. save ur breath cuz ive so heard a fuggin great deal of it all. shut up abt telling me to get a new or a better job position. juz SHUT UP! having my parents nag at me is pure enough n i seriously DONT Need the whole friggin world to tell me wat to do!urgh!

i will take my own blardy friggin time to figure out wat the hell im gona do ok. so since none of u **** are helping me one blardy bit...so QUIT THE BLADY HELL TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!!!!

damn i hate them.
now i hate meeting new ppl ...esp if i HAve to tell them wat is my status now. lie? lie wat? im still studying?where? wat? when? how? all this fuggin qns....i HATE THEM. ive lived with it all my life...n i never enjoyed answering evry one of em.so guys...seriously...NEVER ASK ME these things.

sigh.i juz had to blow my top of here...cuz as u can c...if i were to let it our verbally...it wldnt come out right..n some wld know why.

so yeah...currently...im still clueless abt what i want to do....still...clueless still.

i missed sch. i wonder wat the hell happened to my clazzmates...or shld i still call them my frens...i havent seen em fer like wat? months? ive met dayah online...but she never replied me...i seriously wonder why...why dayah why? n others...who simply wants to be shut out frm us....no contact...nothing...zilch.... sigh.

i missed us laughing...joking...going crazy n do stupid things..i juz seriously miss my frens. dont you?i juz wished we hadnt the big fights n all that b4...n then we cld still be a huge grp of frens...n still be in touch now.sigh...

is this wat u call loneliness driving one up to her sanity limit?
haha.
i dun mean companion lonely..
i mean I MISS MY FRENS.

2007-07-01T22:01:00.000+08:00

i am SO un-updated.

thats becuz...seriusly ive nothing much to update abt.

lifes been stagnant.

nothing exciting happened.

yea...i know...its up to me only to make my life unmiserable.

but hey...wat cld i do ..stuck in a shop n dutied to serve fussy customers?

n i dun work much this mnth..wch means my pays prolly low.sigh.

unlike sya....she works 6 days a week...n prolly has little time to shop.haha. shes so busy ..shes dead tired by now. hey sya...u look into any papers yet? i know i havent. i juz cldnt make myself open up a paper.esp de classified section. im juz afraid. afraid to end up closing the last page with nothing to be found. like before. sigh. i so dunno wat to do now. mums been nagging endlessly to find a new job.sigh. but what?

n now...suddenly my RE beens so nice to me surprisingly fer god knows wat reason. she claims to have 'fought' for me fer my 7 bucks fer pub hols thing. well...wat can i say...it aint so much a big deal cuz theres practically no pub hols in july...n i gota wait til august to earn that 7 bucks per hr. wch is most prolly i wun even be there.sigh.

n now...my physical condition been deteriorating at double speed. tts cuz im doubling the intake fer each meal! can u believe it..i eat so so much n i cant stop it! n worse...i cant even be bothered to do a simple stretching excercise, much less running or even any sport activity...urgh.wats happening to me!?

lifes revolve arnd work.food...more of fast food. n music. recently im all about oldies. n i relli mean oldies...u know the era where the films r all in black n white? yeah...im so in luv with the legend singer/actor/musician guy... of curz u shldve heard of p.ramlee...haha...yep..im into his music.esp the way he play his sexaphone...god its melting.. :P n hes got a not bad of a voice too...sighz....

i haven been reading much.ive abandoned my fond hobbies. i dun play sport anymore.n games...i rarely have the energy to play anymore after work...or its more like im too lazy to switch on the com anymore...theres relli nothing to do anymore...im too lazy or tired to surf...n theres almost nobody interesting online... damn i SO NEED A LIFE!

2007-06-13T00:26:00.000+08:00

yo-ho yo-ho a pirates life for me...

im in luv with jack...

i juz caught P.O.C 3 recently....n i luv it. i like it. i like it.i like it.
i feel like watching it again...
i feel like watching all 3 series again...but the third was the best..
true the movie review said that the plot doesnt flow smooth wch i agree cuz i got lost during the story plenty of times but hey i still luv it.esp jack. :)

anw...theres plenty of things happening arnd here.
firstly let me relate to u a frightfully frightening encounter.

one day...i was as usual on my way to work...while walking near de huge longkang...i sensed this man like trying to get in my way...when i gave him space...hes like peering under hes umbrella n asked me , "Hot?" well it certainly was cuz the sun was practically baking me.n i gave him a weird look n said...yah...n quickly walk away...but then he caught up with me n offered to share his umbrella n i refused..n then he said.. "oh come on dun be shy.." n then started conversation n eventually had his umbrella over my head as he walked bside me... i dunno...i guess he was juz a frenly neighbour whu stays arnd de area making frenly conv with ..well...neighbours...he asked abt my job n my name...n blah2....n when we were at the mrt platform...he said... " so...u have a no i can reach u?" up to that point.....i almost choked on my breath...i was like sorry no...n he said...well dun u like to widen ur circle of frens....n i was like yeah with ppl oni i know...n he laughed. i duno wat to say but i thot my ans sounded stupid. but hey...hes starting to frighten me...primarily becuz he doesnt look single at all... in fact he doesnt look de least like an eligible bachelor tt usually well hits on girls otw. THIS. THIS is a creature arnd mid to late thirties or even fourties who can actually pass fer an ah pek n is the furthest thing to being good looking. hes actually juz looks like a plain pervet looking creature. yes. n god i was so so disgusted when he asked fer my no. i was so holding back to being rude n hurling vulgarities at him fer being so stupid thinking that i wld actually give him my no. oh please! n then when the train arrived...i took a seat far far away frm him...n then i felt safe tru- out the journey. when i alighted at cityhall n got up the escalator, to my horror he was riding de escalator too on my right. i stared at him n asked wat the hell r u doing here???! n then he said with a smile "hi we meet again." i was like so fuggin shocked like hell wat the hell is this guy trying to do?? stalk me? but i let him go ferst n slowed my pace b4 hes out opf sight n i raced my way to my wkplace.god.tt was frightening. ok mayb after that...i thot i was kinda stupid fer freaking out cuz he might have juz had to alight at the same place fer his god damn own blardy biznez or smthg...sheesh.

anw yeah...i so hope i dun meet that one heck of an arse again.

so the next sad thing is....my darling grace is leaving. shes leaving singapore already. shes done her 6mths attachement at gg5 n now shes gg home... sigh....grace..ur the one of the two person i can actually open up to n click with....n now with u leaving me....id be left alone...so alone..no one to whine with..no one to complain to...no massaging partner...no more stories...god grace, how im SO GONA MISS U. u know wat i was thinking...with u gone...life wldnt b the same...n it wun...hence id be gone too...ive been wanting to...but now that ur not here...its all the more reason fer me to go...dun u think so? im not exactly loving every moment of it... they like to screw my pay n im so fkd for that...n simone...the ooh great one...is so fickle minded that she suddenly decided to change the new policy of 7 bucks per hr fer pt during holidays onli to ppl who bother to work PROPERLY. like wtf! n since i din get it...does it clearly screams at my face that im not doing my blardy job? like what the fuck simone.like what the fuck everyone.urgh! n this anger that is bulding up inside me is bound n i swear is bound to explode if things r not looking any brighter anywhere.seriously.urgh!

hols. im not feeling any magical feeling abt the june hols.unlike when im in sch...its smthg to look forward to...but now it aint make no diffy when ur working. true. i need a new job. one that i can love doing n not get screwed almost every blardy month.mayb...mayb i shld try being a pirate...it wldve been more fun on a ship to adventure...esp with jack.haha.

2007-06-04T19:21:00.000+08:00

omg. it june already.
i haven blog for AGES.
thanx to gss.
im bz like crazy.
a gd thing tho...at least im earning $$...wch i wld eventually finish them off anw.

but now...even b4 the sales r over...ive been stuffed into the fridge.already.
celest told me my schedule got cut. again. like WHAT THE HELL! juz becuz suntec got ONE xtra full timer...they CUT MY SCHEDULE. like SHIT. y dun they juz send her away? to some other outlets who needed staff badly? like in pk? our FT have to go parkway so many times...n if i didn complain abt my difficult transporatation problem, i wldve been send there too. n here she is...in suntec where there is abundance of staff...n hence ..I ...become the victim here.

hey its not like i dun like her...i dun have no probs with her personally. its juz that her very existance juz made my pay lesser since my hrs got cut. DAMN IT. urgh.

n grace...shes gg away...i mean gg back already...damn im gonna miss her...shes like one of teh few i can actually click with...she20 too like me....sigh... mayb its time fer me to MOve on too...

but but....if i do...wat wld i do....where shld i go...
hell i dun know.

alins already signed up fer a pvt course. wow her.
me...im like lagging.pure lagging.
i do wana continue my studies... its juz that...well...mayb im still too lazy to study as b4...mayb i haven snAp into reality yet. its juz that...im afraid. wat if i flunk it? when thousand of $$$ been spend on it? i dun come frm a rich family u know where u can throw cash away juz like that.sigh.. i juz need smtg ryt now. the smthg i dunno wat.smthg that can fills me up..that completes my life...geez do i sound like i wana get married? haha . no. companions r the last thing on my mind.but as for friends...i cant deny i miss them.in fact i dream of them.haha...but yeah true i miss spending time with my friends....now..we cant even meet up...much less even MSG each other much.i know everyones bz. sigh...but still i miss my best buddies esp.sigh sigh sigh.

where r u guys?

2007-05-10T17:31:00.000+08:00

hey.im back. n i hafta say i SO miss blogging.u wana know why? oh u shld know...everytime when i say that i HAVE To blog..it means tt something BIG happened to me...be it good or bad. this time.its bad.

yesterday.
at work.
i was needed full time n i rushed to work like hell.
i dunno wat took me so long to get there.
luckily celest wasnt very pissed...
or so i hope.
but at least its celest.
i luv her.

however...after the boss came back frm her stupid meeting...she had to spoil my mood. apparently suntec sales have been pretty bad...according to her n her boss. n she said...she want to set a target of 4 k per day.n silently i was thinking...U CRAZY BITCH! this is wat she say, " so in order to achieve the 4k per day target...well split among ourselves...if there r 4 salesgirls that day...each person will sell 1k per day...(n she looked at me) n for part timer..500." with the end of conv look. n then i was like....''HAaaa!" n then she mimicked me back haaa...n says that "becuz our sales is very bad... n anw ur job ha..its not onli hang baju n etc etc...u muz also learn to speak more to customers..open up more.."

n then i wasnt listening to her anymore. wateva shit she was saying...i summarized them for her. so ur saying im not doing my job? ur saying that im not worth being paid bcuz i practically stand idling most of the time? n u blame it on me? n how do u explain that the blardy shop is empty most of the time? isit our blardy fault tt sales is bad? like celest say..." its not like we never serve our customer...its they all who try try but nvr buy..mayb its bcuz they all waiting fer the Gss.if i , i oso wun buy now mah...will wait until gss where u can buy cheaper." Props to u girl. i so blardy 500% agree with her lar. i cldnt agree more. i myself is refraining from shopping juz fer gss sake.

anw...i was blardy bz cursing her in my mind. n if shes saying im not opening more to her customers...does she even care to ask why? n its plain becuz i blardy dunno how to start selling stuff to customers becus i blardy DUNNO HOW! n so much fer training they promised us..i dun think i remembered being trained on selling skills at all. n I AM BEING BLAMED FER NOT OPENING UP TO CUSTOMERS? N HENCE THE BAD SALES? *******************go n die lar *****.

i was so fkd up i start banging the hangers on the stands..i am clearly NOT in a good mood.n im so sorry ayu i cldnt join in the usual celebrating mood when new stock arrived with the pretty cardigans n all.i was juz plain fkd up. urgh. n then she asked me ..." so nurul..sell 500 already or not?" wata *****. n then i continue to curse n swear n put on a black face.to hell with customers now. u want me to sell 500? did u even c me sell that pants this morn? u didnt rite? then dun anyhow say im not doing my job. n then rite after that i start counting how many fkg items i sold....up to 5...n then after ayu left at 8... the world juz start gg crazy.ppl poured into the shop like nobody biznez n with juz 3 ppl left to handle the shop...everything went chaos. sumhow...left on my own..i start to talk. n i mean TALK. n i actually chatted with a customer.wow. ive NEVER went beyond 5 lines with a stanger b4. n here i am chatting away...ok..mayb not chatterbox chatter but being friendly...n its a real wow fer me ok. n then after that i lost count of how many blardy items i sell...n mysteriously...the crowd juz diffused away my bad mood...n i was laughing n smiling away again. sighz. n then as how bz times always is...the time flies by suddenly so quickly n the next time i checked my watch it was 10 mins to closing n yet the shop was still sprawled with ppl.phew...n then i was wondering wat the hell is being held at suntec that theres such a crowd? even so...we didnt even get near 4k. HAAAA! back to u BOSS. we only made abt 2.5 plus. n thats abt the daily sales we ALWAYS DO. since when have u ever made 4 k in ur lifE? as much as i know...u havent made anything like that ever since the sales till now. n then theres other stores who cant even hit 1k a day! n here we r setting crazy targets for sales! n i so HATE TARGETS! ever since sch...i hate target setting...n hate achieving the targets even more.ARGH!

n then theres the pay issue. sumhow my envelope looks weird becuz theres a SITI in frnta my name. thot was some typo shit n when i take out my payslip..was 200plus...iwas like it cant be! n then i saw it wasnt my name or my ic no. so i guess it was wrongly delivered.cis! n the stupid machine cant even check my atm card correctly...i knew i had more..n today i had to personlly go to the bank to update my passbk n i stared at the pathetic amount off 600+ bucks. thats it?? n i thot i worked like hell for the whole of april? damn it man. its Never evr enuff.pretty much looks like its gona be gone soon.600? wat the hell can i do with 600??? urgh!

n sch wise.i still got zilch letter to nowhere. so i guess i pretty much shld start making up my mind abt wat i shld be doing with my life soon. n all i know is that i am NOT gona be a salesgirl NO MORE...nor a waitress..after that breeks shit.sigh.

damn where should i go?
wat shld i do?
I DUNNO!!!!!

2007-05-02T17:28:00.000+08:00

hey all.
how long has it been since i last blog proper?
haha.
the last entry was juz...well..something i had to put...i so LUV the lil mermaid.n cartoonwise..Nemo too..so its like...im crazy abt life under the sea. relli...i do luv the sea's breathtaking landscape on the ocean floor...i luv the colours the weird but pretty creatures tt lives beneath the water.sigh....weird but tho i luv waters n all...i still cant swim.bummer.

so anws...todays entry wld be like any other...whine abt work...abt getting fat...abt needing $$$ ..and ranting about juz almost everything.

ready to hear em??? haha...i bet most wldve juz click the x button not wanting to hear my WHINES.

anw.. work was juz...work. ppl come n go...n its sad. aishah was with us fer a few weeks n she had to go wisma.a. n then debbie came...n this luvlu sweet m'sian girl who readily greets ALL her apparently deaf customers..yeah..n i do wonder her...how can she even greet anymore snobbish ppl who juz lacks the courtesy to at least smile back. mayb they juz had plastic surgery done n smiling is the last thing they can do...aww poor souls.anw celest shocked me when she sayz debbie had to go to paragon. n im like WHAT!!!!!!!!! i was juz abt beginning to build smthg with this superb nice girl n then poof shes gone. argh! y cant nice ppl stay? n then i hav to be stuck with some blrdy ppl who juz dunno how to reply back a polite smile when we smile at them. mayb shes all blind.urgh. good with selling skills..so wat? u aint have much of a friendly personality either. n i mean genuine one. sigh... nowadays im pretty much talking to myself ...ok mayb not literally...but in my head most of the time. pity aint it.i dunno... sometimes if i cant get on the same wavelength as the person...i relli cannot make myself open up..n so all i do is smile n pretty much laugh at the so called jokes they hardly share anw. n if i cant do this...i pretty much dunno wat to say to customers who r well strangers.. mayb i relli am NOT a ppl person...n strangely i thot i luv doing social work. ah wth.

tt reminds me...i went to wisma fer the midnight sales..n then theres this customer.....who wanted something to wear fer an informal party ..asked me wat is nice...n dumbfounded me juz gave her anythg i think tts nice...but sumhow i juz dunno how to style it... n thats a BIG problem...cuz i relli dun dare to recommend customers smthg tt i relli dunno how to do...id most prolly juz make them look xtra bad..with my obviously bad fashion taste. so most of the time..i had to run away n ask someone else to take over. relli i REALLY dont dare to tell them wat matches best.bcuz i aint sure myself. HAIX!

b4 tt..i went rounding town wif grace...went ness paragon.n let the girl serve me ...i felt so weird...cuz im gona be working at the place on mon anw...haha.....yeah...cum mon...i dunno if they recgnize me at all...but i fall in luv with this shiny black belt...n i had to reserve it...its the damn last piece!!! well..ive yet to receive my staff purchase ...n my pay .urgh...n shockingly fer me...my aprils pay is gone.seriously spent to the last cent.n when i checked my passbk..i was like....stunned...i mean...how cld i spent so much????? n wat did i spend on exactly?? damn. n ive yet a great deal to buy...a seriously GOOD watch...a couple of footwear...n that pants ive been looking fer so long wch juz arrived at ness.damn....argh!
now im scared fer my next pay. i mean i want it to come...yet i dun want it to come in fear id spent it all b4 i can even check my updates.

n then theres movies. i haven been to the movies since like ferever! n bro says theres a cd clearance sale at mj..n i so want to go there...but on 2nd thot...i cant afford to spend anymore now...ive to save!! save! save! n i wana go swim again...n then thinking abt water makes me miss the sea...i miss the time when i am actually out in the open sea where the sea floor is untouchable..i MISS KAYAKING!! damn i miss the adventures n trekking n camping n all the shit things i did wif other fun ppl... sigh...i wana do em again...sigh sigh sigh...

ok enuff of complains....i have to tell u abt yesterday...tues was a public holiday..so its pretty much crowded...n there was this ang moh girl wif her mum buying this green cami...n then comes in her dad n bro...n ive to say that its not like how i usually observe ppl who comes into the shop..its like when i turned ...n then he turned too...n then im like super stunned fer like MINUTES..b4 i can carve a pathetic smile.n ive to say that ive nvr NEVER went literally frozen b4 until now.i cld feel him looking straight at me...n i went*melts. haha. he was Not good looking. but i think hes kinda cute. haha...but i like the feeling tho...haha...................................ain ain ain... previous entries im like saying how ungroomed ang mohs are...n then here i am crushing on one. but hey...hes juz another customer.....who juz comes n goes... n i was like thinking ...well mayb hes smaller then i am...ang moh kids always look alot older then they relli are...a pity if it is.sigh... itz juz that...hes dressed quite decently....n was out with his family...not a gf or smthg...n he doesnt look arrogant at all...u know when ppl come into the shop...they juz bz themselves with clothes n their company...but not he...he actually looked at me................................ok ain can stop now....nono...i cant...guess wat...hrs later..he came back...n i had another starstruck moment of that looking at each other moment..haha...but this time i had to be the ferst to turn away b4 i literally faint to the floor. haha...

yeah...wat can i do...theres not much score around suntec...so i juz depend on my customers n their other half...pathetic? yeah i know. i miss sch life. n i miss a damn hell lot of everything ...esp my FREINDS.

2007-04-23T00:42:00.000+08:00

im SO Addicted to the songs melody..or actually the singers voice.. SOMEBODY PLZ HELP ME GET THE SONG!!!

its called ..
PART OR YOUR WORLD.. by The Little Mermaid.
(reprise version)
What would I give
To live where you are?
What would I pay
To stay here beside you?
What would I do to see you
Smiling at me?
Where would we walk?
Where would we run?
If we could stay all day in the sun?
Just you and me
And I could be
Part of your world
I don't know when
I don't know how
But I know something's starting right now
Watch and you'll see
Some day I'll be
Part of your world

of curz id prefer the conversation version..but its longer...n u wldnt exactly wanna read it... but i so so SO want that song n the singers voice....i want i want i want!!!!

2007-04-08T00:21:00.000+08:00

hEy!

so how shld i start todays entry? firstly, my whole darn body is aching like hell. i dunno y...mayb after 2 whole blardy weeks of 'hols' my body slacked n had to get used to standing long hrs all over again.yeah...im so blardy tired la...its like ive ran 4.8km at mc ritchie kinda of tired...sheesh..talking abt running..i SO havent been Excercising! urh..n my mom is starting to feel health conscious all of a sudden n shes like the one whos making an effort to break a sweat rather than Me!

anyways..work was...wat else should i say besides alright?fun?? hmm...oklar...i still cant find de same sync wif my seniors ...so pretty much i dunno wat to talk to them abt...de new senior girl can click so well sia...i guess their pretty much de same age...n me...i guess im one of de younger ones. but i spoz i shld consider myself lucky...i din get bullied like how one of the part timer frm ness told me. tts pure power abuse lar...i cant believe tt girl can actually tahan one whole blardy year wif these ppl lar! if me...id be gone by de next day!like wat happened at Bata b4..dat one FK ed to de max lar....fked up ppl wif fked up working attitudes.

its pretty much boring at work...well at least ders some ppl compared to previous weeks when there was no ppl to the extend that my work schedule got canceled tt kinda thing. so i was so bored that i actually entertain kids..n u know how im So not fond of kids rite... yeah im not but i cant help going all excited abt making faces at those 1yr old or less babies. babies pretty much visit the store u know...n some r pretty lar! got dis ang moh kid...of mixed parentage..i guess..her hair was like reddish brown or golden ...smthg like tt n was friggin curly!!! de kind sya gets gaa gaa when she saw tt hair. n shes super cute lar! grinning away showin off a couple of teeth n im happy enuff to keep picking up the balloon she happily kept throwing away.sigh...n then theres this lil girl...her mom was carrying her...i gave her a wave..n she wave back + a couple of bonus flying kisses!!! haha! uber Cute!!!! n then theres plenty of babies who LOve to give u blank stares with that huge round eyes n expressionless face...haha...tt kind is cute too... haaa...babies...they kinda bring a smile (a genuine one) to my face..BUT the grown up noisy rowdy ones never escape frm my frown...when they go running around pulling or doing smthg to that metal curtain thing...brats.

another plus thing abt this is...well ...since its a woman store...they sumtimes dun come alone...n yeah...i juz wash my eyes pretty much looking at thier cute guys or even husbands...haha! but ive to mention this...is having an ang moh as ur bf is such a wow thing?? cuz apparently i cant help noticing how many many many asian chics..n i mean CHICS came with ang moh bfs..n MOST OF THE TIME...these ang mohs are NOT that cute or as handsome as how they always appear in the movies.. i know its a duh thing...but seriously...these guys r dressed super slack n the girls r dressed the total opposite.TOTAL.n they dun look bf material at all.haha.seriously. so i was like thinking...do these girls juz say yes to ANY ang moh guys that r interested in them or ANy ang mohs they know at all???? like really man..im like starting to feel that way...its like dont they mind abt their bfs image at all? i mean juz becz hes white...doesnt mean hes all that right?????

so yeah...n today i practically almost rolled my eyes at a customer. she was checking out this plain white long sleeve top...n after seeing the price wch is abt 70-80+ ...she was like..."haah! so expensive ha!!???" with that i cant believe its so exp face. n then im like thinking...HELLO ITS A BLARDY DESIGNER SHOP URE IN.not some blardy market place u can anyhow criticize de price. u pay for the design n of quality material. of course its expensive! wat do u expect? flea market price???fkg stupid man tt nyonya. i dun care no matter how she blardy dress...she juz give an impression of an uneducated idiot. i mean...if ur AFRAID of the prices here...get the hell outa that place n get a BUS to the nearest market n get urself a couple of 3 for 10 bucks top. hows that???i soo felt like telling her off man.. but no...sweet me juz kept her distance away frm dat woman so i can stop myself frm being rude...n i was saved bcuz she literally exited the shop in less thean 5 mins.sigh.humans.

hmm...i guess i do have more to say...but im tired..i told u im like exhasuted..n cramping EVERYWHERE.aaaaaaaaah....should i shop now or should i wait till may????sigh....u think????

2007-04-02T22:27:00.000+08:00

hey...im not particularly in an enlightened mood..since when was i anw...

anw...ive been working...
thanx to my complain...

ive been working at junctn 8 ness one day..its sangees place...but i had to found out that shes quitting n im replacing her for the remaining hours she had to leave...okla..nvmlaa..at least i get to work after 2 weeks of NO WORK.

ferst thing ferst...to find the place.was ez to find the shopping centre la...but to find the blardy shop...i had to tawaf that 2nd storey dunno how many rounds la....then i found out got one lorong ...muz go there...u know like queensway like dat...mayb not dat bad la...but smthg like dat... sheesh...anw found the place worked der...n got home early cuz its so quiet like gg5...place was small..nice...more colourful...ppl ok...n to get home...HAHA...i tell u ders so many blardy exits that i relli dunno which way i got in frm... kluar nampak carpak...masuk...kluar nampak s11 coffeeshop...masuk...kluar.....masuk kluar....serious ah...i can go mad! when finally i go back to where i start...n got out...woooh..nilah...bdk tak nah pgi junction8. HAHA.okkkk...

next day im spoz to work at suntec...they call me to plaza sing..oklah...ferst time c all chinese sia. n ferst impression...they all look super snobbish..n fer the ferst few HRS we nvr relli tok la...den slowly slowly talk...den i found the snobbish looking ppl r actually kinda ok..cool i guess..look fierce oni...but oklaa...n den got some fashion show thingy outside de store...contest fer the most fashionable shopper...they get to strut their stuff on the catwalk...looking at them...super pathetic sia...i can practically dress better...n thats coming frm a non pro fashion advisor.haha...so yea...we practically haf a free show watching from de store...n we pretty much would like to ignore the incoming customers.haha..n i get to go home early too...de new girl jesslyn who looks like miss low with the haircut n all was sadla...i get to go early...haha..sorila...part timer always kena push away like dat one mah...n i got to know that many o.a.m.c girls switch to gg5..wahahah...lynn was frm o.a.m.c ...aha nvr knew tt..

so anw...today was spoz to be my off...but they called me when i was still in bed...to work.well i cant say no...ive been complaining abt no work...n heres the offer n i had to say yes... lucky at suntec...but the unlucky thing is..i was a lil late...almost RAN there...u know how super far dat stupid citylink is....sheesh. oni ruby june n grace was working...i miss em! haha...i miss grace n her stories...haha...she juz nvr fail to story abt her life...haha...n ruby n june..n their noisy selves.. n i have to tell u lar...got dis 2 ang moh guys getting prezie fer one of them's sister. they r ...or at least one of them is iTaLiaNO!!! haha...heard his booming voice conversing with his sister on phone fer her sizes.haha. kecoh siak tu mat salleh.. his fren de quiet one...haha de Cute one..juz stand der...n diz italian guy ...bought 4 items...n cost abt 200+ n he was DEMANDING fer a discount. not once but uncountable times sia...ruby dah tak terkate...june was like usual her firm self....if me hor...id smile n stand der n smile n say no n nothing else...n stare at him n he stare back..haha.. how sia june handle...like pro...duh...she is de senior..de guy was like..."whos the boss here whose the boss here?" n then pointed at june n say "u look like de boss" n then start comparing gg5 with other outlets like emilio valentino stores n even takashimaya shopping centre...n say that these places gave him discounts...y cant we gave him discount...kinda thing...n i was thinking.. bcuz this is not our blardy grandfather shop thats y. haha...the guy tried his best sia to i dunno...Get what he wants...n thanx to june he gave up...n paid full price...n after that he still demand we get the items packed nicely sia....like hello if u havent noticed this is a boutique...not a blardy gift shop...dumb sia these ppl.... cute but almost brainless.. pretty much bad impression of ang mohs... biznezman..pretty much equates to loads of money... but apparently these guys juz gave an impression that either they r so broke that they had to have discounts or they r soooooo singy that they juz cdnlt bear to part with their money to pay Full price. hmm...i juz thought a stupid thing...mayb if they wanted a discount...wch means pay less...we can do an alternative for them...since they din pay full price fer it ...they wun get the item in full...wch means...mayb have the sleeves cut off?? HAHA... but its juz...a duh thing! u pay wat u buy damn it!~

yeah...n grace who was having her break...heard the whole damn commotion outside...n had her own hearty laugh inside...n then came out n mimmicked those guys...haha...cute lar u grace! lucky ayu not there...if not makin havoc! haha...

so yeah...oh ya...during my break i met soon hua! me sec sch classmate!! so looooong sia nvr c him!!! i miss sec sch days!!! he sez hes converting.wow. i almost din belive him...but mayb he relli is....well im happy fer him if he is...credits to his gf who most prolly psycho him... :) i hope he'll be a gd muslim then. not becuz of his gf...u know tt kinda thing...

yeah...im tired... this mornings fkd up event juz hav to continue when i reach home.argh! fug it!

2007-03-27T23:18:00.000+08:00

i juz had ice cream.
plenty of it.
chocolaaaate...

aahhhh..
first i had chocolate Cornettoroyale..tt creamy dark chocolate tt simply melts in my mth...mmm
n then i had the last scoops of cadbury chocolate n peppermint flavoured icecream with peppermint sauce...ooooohlalaaaa....i had to savour every spoonful of it...letting it flow slowly into my throat....yummmylicious.

actually i wanted to continue with the chocolate n caramel ice cream...but hmm...mayb ill save some fer tmr...ohhh CHOCOLATE!!! i juz cant nvr have enuff of it! reminds me of swensens sticky chewy chocolate...ahhhhhhhhhhh......

im soooo gaining KILOS.
im not burning it cuz im not working..
n when im not working i wun br needing much energy...
n the xtra sugar intake or mayb carb intake juz turns into FAT!!!!
aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

anw...i watched hindi movie Salaam Namaste...juz now...
sweet...saif ali khan is pretty much hottt....hes got quite a gd physique to start with :)
haha..thanx nadine fer lendin it fer free :) lol...
too bad ur running outa shah rukh khans movie...i so lurve him. *droolz...

n i watched some clips back frm de 90s...mly songs..
man i tell u music frm that era was fuggin sweeeeeet.i mean the music r sooo nice to hear tt theyr way alive till now...damn i wan em i wan em!!! their lyrics...the language they use...ahhh...i can melt hearing them sing.......sighz...

so basically...its been songs music movies n ice cream along with the ridiculous HEAT nowadays...sigh...when will the earth actually cool down.... :( i miss peaceful days ... sighz.

2007-03-26T15:44:00.000+08:00

i cldnt slp yesterday.
so my mind did plenty of flashbacks.
sigh.

oh did i mention that our ex principal mrs ong was at suntec GG5?? haha...she was lah...i was like frozen fer a couple of secs when i saw her...she wanted this cardigan that the manequin was wearing n when she saw the real thing...she din like it n walked out. haha...i was abt to say..hey mrs ong..im an ex millennian. but then after thinking twice..i din relli want her to ask abt my grades n all....so yeah..

n then at the toilet...u wun believe this but suntec toilet is like u HAVE to que everytime u wana use it.bummer shit. anw...i saw pei lian...my sec sch mate...i thot twaz her...it had to be her..shes got this one of a kind...diff frm a typical chi girl faces...well...i was afraid i might be wrong...with the xtra make up n all...i decided to juz keep quiet...well...even if it is her...wat if she dun rmber me...wld be double paiseh ryt...haha..

well...meeting mrs ong juz reminds me of Tarian days...i miss tarian..i miss dancing...i miss getting screwed during abg mans lesson... n the vigorous trainings for syf...that period relli made me thin man.sheesh...i miss dancing. i rmbered how she tries to encourage the girls with baskets of chocolates...n attended our rehearsals n all... n when we achieved only silver...shes like totally ignored us.hello...disappointed is one thing la...but u relli dun need to show us that black face n pretend not to know our teacher ryt...super hypocrite sia.. tsk tsk.

anw...seeing pei lian...reminds me of my sec sch days...how i had so much 'fun'...having glue bottle been throwed at my head n then the guy laughed at the very fact that the glue bounced off my head like a goalpost.damn tt guy.haha...but to think abt it now...was all stupid ...me chasing his fren abt the guys secret...n after finding out that hes secretly crushin on me...i was crushin his fren..HAHA.serious chaos. n my sec sch days was my tom boyish days too...i rmber there was this netball tournament...n during practice i was some WD i think...n then actual game some stupid girls put me as a GK with my ridiculous height...n hence i c no point putting an effort to defend the ball cuz theyr gona eventually score anyway. n after that i was like branded useless GK. thanx to the girl who switch position with me. HELLO ..who in the right mind wld put me, one of the shortest girl , not to mention inexp girl as a GK?!

eversince that...i joined the Girls basketball team n hey i play guard...n coach put me in cuz i can intercept balls quite well..IN YOUR FACES WHOEVER LAUGHED AT ME.

n so...i became one of the sporty rough gurls...who secretly laugh at those fakes who wailed n whine when they broke a nail..

my motto at tt period was: anything a boy cld do, so can i.

haha....
i wonder where that confidence went..
i kinda need it back.
now im shy as a mouse.
trip on words when i speak to strangers..
became a lil too rserved...tt i dunno if communication with other souls is my thing.
but i SO want to be able to do that..
talk to ppl comfortably...
convince them of my point of view.
persuade them..
n do all the kinds of things that well...a leader can.
cuz sumhow...ive lost my confidence to lead anymore.
sigh...

ah damn im juz blabbering nonsense in de mid aft...im sooo bored.....argh.

2007-03-25T15:39:00.000+08:00

koniciwa all.

im here cuz..im bored ..practically.
no work..
urgh..
mayb im gona job hop again..
but where to..
i kinda like my current one..
juz tt...my schedules nvr fixed.

n i kinda need to earn 1k soon...to make money fer my future sch if i cant make it to the well public sch..haha..ok make it 2k...
arh *****.

i dun even make anywhere near 1k now.
lalalalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......
ok shut off switch off shut down....watevers bugging ma mind.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

dollar signs...
oh they r like the very symbol of problems.
esp if u dun have loads of em...
ok to fit in regulars like me...well say...esp if we dun have sufficient amount of them.
sigh.

*****************************************************************

ok yest was my one n only work day of the week..n i had to request fer early time out..gotta go fer liyanas bday thingy. had to drag my siz along cuz one of my Sister, cat who sounded so anxious once upon a time to attend this thingy apperently had to work on that day when i actually told her i was gg to get off early from work juz to go with her.thanx yah.

so anw.. weve no idea where this place was n it was like de blind leading de blind kinda thing..oh u wldnt guess wat kinda terrain we had to go thru ...we actually walked at the golf couse thingy...where ppl were swinging their clubs away juz a few feet away frm us...n then we walked right beside a huge grp of souls singing in frnta a blazing campfire... can i say its almost like nights Adv? haha....n then after a loooong confusing walk...we found de chalet..behind some trees.haha.even that...there were so many chalets holding bday celebration we juz cldnt figure out wch one..haha...

come eating time...wch i was preserving my stomach for missing my break at work...someone juz HAVE to interrupt my so looked forward stuffing time....apperently he had to strike up conv with two pretty ladies who r apparently unaccompanied by a well..'bodyguard.' n so after mini conv of wat looks like hes abt to hit on ma siz...i practically threw up in my mouth listening to him'talk'...im sorri man...u juz have VERY BAD PICK UP LINES. there were pretty much the kinda of L-M-A-O lame kind. n even after that..without us actually inviting him, he Volunteered to accompany us home. simply n oh my god. n yet my siz still cldnt see thru him...she was like...u know some guys r like that...even tho they r frens they will send their female frens off.that kinda thing...i have a fren like that...yeah yeah..i know...BUT I PRACTICALLY DUN REALLY KNOW HIM. hes so called my junior..n not like u two ever have fREN conversations b4. sigh...i hate being a lit kid. mayb i analyzed too much. haha.but seriuosly...im super NOt impressed. in fact that one line " guess whos the president of some club?" he gave ...n then answed with a 'bashful' "me la"...kinda way was a total turn off.haha..come on... u actually think wer gona be 'impressed' by wateva position u hold in sum wateva club? mayb we will if ur sincere n charming enuff..but that is clearly BRAGGING.n i so hate ppl who brags.

oh dear...ive been gosssipping havent i?
im so so sorry..
NOT.

dun be surprised...cuz de quiet innocent looking lil me is NOT QUIET at all.
Cheers!
(damn im stuck withe the seoulgrdn -breeks Cheers! thingy! urgh!)

2007-03-22T02:15:00.000+08:00

i dunno wat im doing at this time of the morn. here.

i dunno...mayb i juz felt like typing.something.

haix..

i tried to fill in the application form for Sim.
i cant.
i mean i cant finish it.
yet.
gotta ask dad how to ans those darn qns.
theres so many things to do n bring.
n de fee.
guess wat?
its 52 bucks ++!! juz fer the application fee alone!
damn tt place. robbing ppl.urgh.

i havent even applied at nie yet.
gonna try at moe hq tmrw...i hope there are Real coms i cld use as they said there wld be.
i even forgot how alin did it that time..
damn my goldfish memory.
my brains gone rusty...argh. i so need to use em soon.

y did i wana apply fer nie?
im never even good with kids.
with my pathetic leading qualities n speech defected speech..
im nvr gona be a gd teacher.
i dun even have the passion to teach.
sigh.
but its like i dun hav a choice.
if i CAN...even go to nie...id be thankful...
if i cld...i swear i have to be good to the kids...sigh..or ill be known as the wicked witch frm de west. haha.

ntu?aha...im trying luck still.
nus? no luck laa...wasting money to even apply there.

so yeah...private unis r like my last resort..haiz..
not like im a millionaires daughter u know...who can pay wherever they wana go.
i cant.
im a middle incomed family with a single breadwinner whose family is still struggling to get by..n the eldest daughter juz have to screw her grades n unable to go anywhere good.URGH!

im so good at making everything sound bad.

but like dad sez...ive to be thankful.
at least i passed.
yeah.
look on the bright side.
compared to my prelims where i NVR passed a shit...i actually passed a couple of subs..PASS.
so yeah..
THANK YOU GOD.AMIN.

now...its juz...i dunno where to go.
seriously.
im feeling lost..
lost.
lost.
lost.n i so HATE this feeling.

*****************************

lets talk abt smthg else?

work?
this week i haven set foot to work.
apparently my stand by days r officially off days cuz im like not needed.i spoz theres a sudden huge influx of new recruits of full timers cuz IM a part timer n i wasnt called. even a fixed work day todays was cancelled.**** it!

i spoz ppl shld b glad when they rnt called fer work. i spoz ...tt is if ur still paid!
im not. i get paid fer the hrs i worked... n nowadays im like stuck at home with no fonecalls! oh yes i do have...ppl calling me to say tt i dun need to come fer work today.URGH! n im like so in need to work fer the damn bloody $$$$!!

im pretty much feeling fug up.
i dun know why.
mayb thinking abt how my furture will be like juz spoil my mood.
its so not me to start planning.
but since i have to..
i dunno how to..
n i dunno wat to..
n im so feeling URGH!

damn i need some light..
GOD ALMIGHTY....I BEG FOR U TO SHINE UR LIGHT TO GUIDE ME THE RIGHT WAY. AMIN....for my mom n dad.

sigh.

2007-03-20T15:24:00.000+08:00

hey!

im back!
well...it took abt a week? or less to come here again! yeay!
oh wellz...

ive been home...to work...n home again...
well...i pretty much like the new job as ive mentioned...but the ma fan thing is...ive to float...n float to god knows where...the thing is..im a west girl..n i pretty much will get lost if i were to go north or east or even sometimes central. im spoz to go causeway ness tmrw...ok i guess i can figure the place out soon but im spoz to go bishan junction 8 on 31. damn.. ive never set foot in bishan ..n how do i get there? isit like the place is right beside the mrt? haha...talk abt super blur..yeah i am.sigh..urgh..

finding the place is one thing. how abt the ppl there?? im still pretty much paranoid abt how the ppl r gonna be like..relli...hope they r nice....or at least workable with.

so anw...yest was off...went out wif siz after her work...got us a couple of tops...n got me a new wallet!! yeah...ive always wanted a new wallet since ever.n i got me the lady like one..n i gotta learn how to treat my lady wallet like a lady. hahah...compared to my converse wallet..ive to get used to the new black one.yeah... n talk abt gifts...

HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY LIYANA!!!!!!!! :)
yeay!

im pretty much looking 4ward fer 24...n c u n the others again! BUt i still have to get permission to time out early tt day YET...look out fer me yah! :)

so yeah..today am spoz to standby...n since nobody called...its off day. n i spend it like...any other day...stuck on cs..disturb my fish...net surfing...n eat of curz...

shld i say im bored? yeah pretty much am...its either bored frm nothing to do at home or coma-fied legs frm standing fereva at work...n not to mention the super stiff shoulders i get ...hate tt the most.

i missed reading.ive lost de need to read!!! damn! make me sit n read! i dun even read de newppr now! talk to me abt recent events ..n ur talking to a dumbfounded dummie..im so lost abt the world!! ARGHHH!!!

ok..my stomach has sound de alarm to be fed.haha ok...bye bye now!

i so miss my frens... :(

2007-03-14T00:51:00.000+08:00

HeY--Ho!!

gosh...its been more than a month since i last blog! haha! the MAIN reason y i didnt is becuz...i was simply TOO lazy to move my butt outside to use de other com to blog cuz My com sumhow display blogspot in Chinese charaters in frnta ma face.

so yeah...here i am...at last...updating...

n why did i chose today??

Becuz...yeah...as my buddies wldve known...i turned 20 today...ok since now is officially 1am...its yesterday...haha...yeap!

13 march!

mua one and esp fave day!

so yeah...thanx guys fer remembering me...n bothering to remember my bday...sniff sniff...its so touching relli.....cuz i actually felt...well..remembered... ahaha...

so today strted out ok i guess...i actually almost ripped my gift frm alin early in de morn...cuz she sez not to open till 13 march...soo....YEAH! Thanx so many many much alin! i hope that piece can REally help me build my patience level!!! :) esp with the Ariel pic staring at me...haha..

yeah so off to work i went...with mummyz bday kiss :)
n work was quite alright....tiring but sumhow cheery....grace knew it was my bday...thanx grace fer wishing me...n thanx fer not spreading yah! :P n surprise surprise...june let me off by 8pm...wow...dats more like it! i can go home early!! n on the way met sya...

so....we actually had a 'romantic' 'supper' under the block beside the garbage area...eating Heavenly chocolate cake...haha...place sux...but company was great...hey ...few days seems like soo long i havent talked to her...n yeah...was fun sya...i had a great time...cuz i NEVER celebrated my bday like That b4!! haha! n thanx fer de pink object...i hope i can Wake up now...haha...i was relly thinking it was de old sch bell thing...haha...i wldve of curz Wake up to THAT. n de blue box can be added to my collection :) THANX SO MANY MANY MUCH!

n then i was received by dad mom n siz trying to sing me a bday song in whisper mode when i got home...yeah...well...i spoz they wldnt wana wake gran slpg....haha...cute sia...n they each gime bday kisses!! haha! once in a year kiss man! n my bro wished me bday twice...n i actually didnt hear him!!! haha... cuz i was bz thanking my angels wishing me...haha...sorila bro...muz use mic next time hor! n yeah...i had more CAKE!!!! haha....i guess one night of PLeNty of cakes is enuff to stop my craving fer cakes fer the next many months...haha....Thanx guys fer being SO SO Sweet!!! Luv ya Luv Ya LUv Ya!!! i cldnt have asked fer a better birfday....hmmm...actually i cld...but...haha...no...i wldnt...i loved today.very much.

n thanx Menaga, Jurismah...fer reminding me it was my birfday already...haha!
n thanx to Kat n Maziah n wan who wished me early in de morn...when i wasnt even up!!! haha
n murni.., irna, sHaN, n Fadhilah fer all ur well wishes...AMIN! haha...n aliff too...im looking forward fer mon tho...haha...lets hope...u dun ferget wat u said... n faatihah...n rizal...thank u thank u all!! :) :) :)

*********************************************************************************

yeah so hows life fer me now?

pretty much ok i spoz...

no more Breeks!
haha...not as if i totally hate it....i liked it...tried to like it...tho i ended up juz screwing up by the end of each day....oh yeah i havent told u abt valentines day...

when everyone else was actually giggling n flirting n receiving roses n wat nots...i was working like hell...n not only that...i got screwed like Hell too. hey it was like my ferst few days working n it HAD to fall on valentines day when the crowd was pouring in like ants i tell u..it fkg hectic! wat wif not enuf cutleries...n the overflowing dirty dishes n that made the uncle scold n shout..n the so many tables waiting to order....n i spoz i screwed them so bad tt i wasnt allowed to take orders anymre.yeah.. i mean...hey im FUCKING NEW. n wat do u expect outa no experienced kid? so wat if im so called higher educated? i dun fkg know much abt this waitressing shit. n u expect me to run de place like a pro? hello. i dun get no chance..no patience..no nothing....not even a positive feedback at teh end of the day...fer all the whole day waitressing..fer carrying ALL the heavy garden chairs back to their places ALL BY MYSELF WITHOUT ANY FKG HELP.,...n STILL....n someone wasnt happy enuff with the rate im working...n she actually ask me..." why r u taking so Long, ARE u not done yet?"

im like...WHAT THE FUCK.
i carried all 20++ chairs that weighs like hell...n arranged them n lock them by MYSELF...n how cld u expect me to do all that shit in flash???u think im a wat machine? that was so fkg fkd up shit. n by the end of the day i juz cldnt wait to get outa place n not even 20 steps away frm the door...i had to burst into tears....i was feeling PURE FKD UP.screwed.got screwed. n i hated it so much at tt point of time.

n i thot n hoped tt my days will get better..BUT by the end of the week...the one who supervised me all along..who thaught me drink recipes n the mose Patient one of all juz HAD to LEAVE. tt was the ultimate shock of my life.mam irene...how cld u go...n leave me jus like that. by the next mon...i juz didn feel so enthusiastic abt work anymore. n then sya called. n decide we juz hate the job.n yeah..basically we QUIT. i cld list a hundred things why i quit. in short, its no wonder they r in shortage of labour.

so anways...i do miss de NICE ppl there.sori i HAD to leave. u didnt exactly make me feel very much welcomed there.mayb next time, u BE NIce n understanding to ur NEW workers like me..mayb theyll stay.

**********************************************************************************

im pretty much happy wif my new job now...been abt a week...the ppl there r nice.MUCh MUch nicer. the supervisor is WAY much more understanding n professional.actually TAught me n was always ready to HElp.THATS a supervisor. so yeah...i like it...n i hope i can last...its no doubt tiring...but at least i dun haf to go home feeling fucked up every night or having to drag myself to work everyday like b4. im quite Happy here. n i spoz sya too...at elast better then b4.

oh wellz...enuff abt work...my results r out...so....yeah passed.Had a full cert. BUt aint gd enuff. so now im pretty much counting on luck to bring me to the next level...wch is...still unknown.sighz.

i guess i have to stop blabbering. i can go on ferever i tell u. i missed blogging. i hope i can blog more often now.ill try yah. :)

Till then, take care guys! n Thanx a million once again!
MUACKZ!

2007-02-15T15:21:00.000+08:00

work.

why did i EVER EVER wanted to work?
isit bcuz of the money?
isit bcuz im obliged to...bcuz i feel responsible as the eldest?
or isit bcuz i juz HAD to at least work bcuz no other GOOd company wish to hire inexperienced ppl?

DAMN IT ALL.

n now i wish i juz dun have to work.
i dun wanna work.
I HATE work.

wat made me think tt i can bloody well give my best shot n things wld go smoothly?
damn i dunno...
ignorance?
totally no experience?

sigh....n now i know.

Things were nvr smooth. n i dunno if its ever gonna b.
u said everything depends on me.
i can make the change.

wat more change can i make?

IMprove?
in wat? my brain memorizing power?
im an A level kid.
shld i say i regret being one?
juz bcuz i am an A Level kid...
shld i be branded as a SMART one...among all the others.

if these ppl still based on ones highest qualification during work...they r so fuggin wrong.

im an A level kid..
not bcuz i was abt to prove the world tt im a hardworking genius.
im an A level kid bcuz i had no other choice...DAMN IT!
damn u bloody fkrs whu think tt A level kids r spoz to be able to fit in juz nicely juz bcuz we r branded A level kids.

hello.A level is bloody nothing.NOTHING compared to experience.
n here i am trying to find some...n getting somthing i thought i cld handle but rather its eating my already depleting esteem away...

the very ferst day i stepped in the workplace...
n i was pressurized to be able to work better than the other more experienced so-called 'colleagues' of mine...JUZ BCUZ I AM N A LEVEL KID.
am i spozed to be proud n honoured that i got smthg tt is supposedly hard fer the other workers to get unless they slaved their ass off...n here i am getting tt place fer my ferst day juz bcuz im an a level kid? isint it like plain discrimination?

if i were the other workers...id think it as unfair.
n as a new worker myself...i think its plain bloody unfair!
how cld u...expect so much of me to be able to perform up to standard when i am a bloody fresh grad wif zilch experience spoz to b able to handle everything in order?!

im not a born talented to understand everything in less than a week.
its only my third day n so bloody unfortunately it had to fall on Valentines day when the crowd juz fill the place in like ants...
n fer a third day...im spoz to know EVERYTHING. frm ...handling cuztomers..taking orders..keying in orders...memorizing menus...memorizing table nos..knowing wat sauce to get fer wat dish...n pressurized to remember evry bloody drink recipe taught in 2 days bcuz im made de bloody barista juz bcuz im a bloody A level kid!!!!!!!!!

u tell me...
this is wat im spoz to expect fer evry workplace im joining?
n the ppl....the 'colleagues' .....how do i get along....how do i get Friendly....i practically get on their nerves fer mistakes i made n im bound to make n my plain blurness juz get things worse.

how can i not be blur.
how can i appear intelligent juz bcuz im 20 years old n tt im an A level kid.
i really dont know how ok..
at least u have a month at tcc.
i have nothing.
n i can tell u plainly tt i am not having fun..at all.
n i really dunno if i can actually last 4 months there.
a week already seems like hell dragging...

n if ur telling me to be strong n confident..
ur telling ME...ME.
ME whu lacks that in all my life.
i cant juz get that overnight or over a week....
its a lifetime to gain.

SIGHZ for now.
SIghz for every other day..
i dont like going to work...dragging myself to work..with a heavy heart...afraid of screwing things up again...
i juz hate it.

2007-02-07T14:46:00.000+08:00

i missed blogging!!!!

haiyah...now tt i finally get here...i dun relli have much to say...
HAHA.as if...

hows life now...
as quoted from sya... Hows life like being currently single n unemployed?
haha. sounds pretty screwed ryt...

well its not as bad as it sounds...
im still looking fer a job...a gd one i mean...been a temp girl now n then replacing absent receptionists...haha....u think its friggin ez???
well NO..it aint esp when ur superb fresh grad frm sch...n u haf zilch working exp....its pretty hard cuz u dunno how to communicate wif strangers n their endless enquiries...

so howd i do? haha... made quite a no of mistakes...
but most of the time id juz give them the blur look n blunt ans...n in the end...they juz say theyll do it themselves...haha..well...if not id juz bother the real sick receptionist n ask ask ask...haha...

well...other then that....ive got relli nothing much to do...so here i am typing away...haha...weird tt i nvr blogged at home...instead i blogged at work...well ive got TIME..haha..eversince the black pc moved to my room...ive been online almost 24-7 but i nvr blog...bcuz sumhw tt pc doesnt support the language...so the blogspot came out all in chinese. bleurgh. so i became too lazy to use the other pc...n spent the whole day in my room in frnta de screen. guess wats my new addiction? Counter Strike!!!

i used to wonder why ppl get so addicted to these stupid games...wun they get tired playing over n over again doing de same thing? haha....such ignorance.... well...i nvr found out until i tried it myself... n now im hooked. ..eyep...i wun stop until at least 1 full game..wch last abt n hr...n i can go up to 4 games..haha...n my top score is ive killed 62 ppl in a game.haha.cool... mayb not the best in the gaming industry but hey its something frm a non gaming lover u know...until now tt is...haha...mayb u shld try it...u might get hooked as well... but then ...i dun think im a dead addict lah unlike the dumb girl in the pprs whu neglect her education for the sake of CS.. n she hasnt even completed her o levels! damn! wat wld she do??? at least ive finished my As...i hope...sigh..

tt brings to the upcocming weeks to revelation of the results...
my sis has been dwelling over wat to do or where to go next..n she was expeting the worst of the very worst wch is crazy...how cld she..i mean shes ever more hardworking then me...n if i at least get to pre-u MI, she wld certainly get somewhat higher if not abt the same level as me... im not so much worried abt her...im worried abt me. ...or am i?

well i wldnt wanna care much juz yet..not until the night b4 my results r out. til then id like to juz sit back n relax....haha...ive had a bit too much relaxation ive to admit...sighz...well...where can i go after this? im not very confident abt gg to the Uni...look at my past results...there were NVR any AS....ive gt plenty of Fs tho...haha...so where shld i go? wat shld i do? work? haha....tts another thing...ppl juz wldnt hire fresh grads bcuz they have no experience!!! n how the helll r we gonna get any experience if we r not given the chance to at least get hired! n de 2nd most damnest requiremnt to get a job is tt MOST wld want someone to be able to speak Chinese. like HELLO! not everyone here is able to ...n not everone here is chinese....its not like its china! even china ppl can now converse in english...so wats de bloody big deal abt having to converse in chinese??? it almost feel like DISCRIMINATION against those whu cant speak chinese...like the other races. n tt is a plain BIG disadvantage to us.seriously...it aint EZ getting a gd job. sigh..

so whu still doesnt think tt living in spore is not stressfull? BAH to them.

2006-03-15T22:19:00.000+08:00

ainnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn